Always Consequences
by otownsangel
Summary: A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike’s crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer’s world is turned upside down once more.
1. I Miss You

****

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters… At least not the ones from the show… blah, blah, blah… You know the drill…

~*~Okay, I know I seem like I just keep starting these and then never finishing them, but I really do work on all of them… It's just that a lot of them are handwritten and need to be typed up yet, and I haven't had the chance. When I'm hit with inspiration, I can't very well let it go to waste, ya know? So anyway, this one's set post _"Grave"_… Oh, and could anybody tell me what the song is at the end of _"Entropy"_? I love it, and I know I know it, but I can't think what it is or who it's by… My first thought was Alison Krauss, but I can't seem to find it, so if anybody could tell me, it'd be greatly appreciated. It's been driving me crazy… Thanks…~*~

****

Chapter 1:

Buffy nervously approached his door, unsure of whether or not she should really be there. It was getting to be too much, living without him. She knew full well she shouldn't have forgiven him for what he'd done. That should've forever remained unforgivable… But somehow it wasn't. For a long time she'd convinced herself that she'd been okay with it because he was a monster. Because it was his nature. And yet, she knew it wasn't true. It was because she understood why he'd done it. He'd been looking for a way out. Trying to give her a reason to hate him… To give himself a reason to leave. Well, it'd half worked…

And now, here she was. She didn't know why. If anyone was there, it was Clem… Spike hadn't come home. To be honest, she was beginning to think he was gone for good. Maybe that was why she was here… To let go? More like hold on… All she wanted to do was curl up in his old chair and cry herself to sleep, his scent surrounding her. 

That was a comfort. An amazing comfort. She wore his duster now… Everywhere. No one questioned it. Xander had at first, but she'd quickly put a stop to that. Not that it had been easy. Willow understood her feelings toward Spike. She could see how much the Slayer missed him, even if Buffy herself wouldn't admit it. Besides, Willow had always been quite fond of Spike. And, all else aside, she wasn't exactly in any place to judge Buffy considering her recent apocalyptic run-in with the black magicks. Anya didn't really care so much either way. Giles took it for what it was. The Slayer following her heart… Something he had always admired in her. And something she really needed to do at that point. And Dawn… What was there to say about Dawn. Yet again, she was pissed off… She blamed her sister for driving Spike out of town. In fact, she hated her for it…

Knocking lightly on the crypt door, Buffy waited for an answer. It had been a few weeks since she'd been here, and she wasn't sure if she should've come back. But she missed the familiarity of this place. It held so many memories. Memories of comfort… Of Spike. So here she was, nervous and waiting.

When Clem opened the door, she started slightly in surprise. Fidgeting , she kept her eyes on the ground, unsure of what to say. Finally, she settled. "Uh… Hi." she muttered quietly.

"Buffy, hi." Clem replied cheerfully, opening the door wider and waving her inside. She accepted the offer, almost reluctantly. "Haven't seen you around in awhile. What brings ya here?"

She bit her lower lip. How was she supposed to answer that? "Oh, nothing really… Just came to check in. Thought maybe you could use some company." Her smile was a bit too bright as she wandered around the room. Taking the place in, she tried her best to memorize everything she saw… Not that she hadn't already. For a few moments, she was lost. Lightly, she let her hand graze over the top of the old easy chair, her thoughts getting the best of her.

As Clem watched her, he knew she wasn't exactly being honest. His lips turned up a bit in a sad, sympathetic smile. "You miss him, don't you?" 

The question was gentle; he wasn't trying to push. She took a deep breath and sighed as she sat in Spike's chair, gathering the coat around her tightly. There was no answer to that question. She hadn't stopped and taken the time to figure it out for herself. She was hurting without him… That she knew. Alright, so she missed him. Didn't mean she had to admit it… So instead she chose to just sit silently.

"It's okay if you miss him, ya know. I don't know exactly what was going on with the two of you, but I can tell ya, any fool can see it was far from hate. You had a fight. I gathered that much from what he told me. Don't know much else. Just that he said he wanted things to change. Maybe you should just let yourself miss him… Just for a little while. Might help… I promise I won't tell anyone."

That made Buffy smile. Clem was a sweetie. Sighing heavily, she let out a ragged breath she hadn't been aware she was holding. "I do miss him. A lot. I know I'm not supposed to, but I do. I mean, I should hate him for what he did, but I just can't." Tears had sprung to her eyes, and they were slipping freely down her cheeks. This was the first time she'd cried for him. She hadn't meant to… It just happened. "I miss him so much it hurts. After I died… When they brought me back, they pulled me out of heaven. I was finally at peace where I was… And peace for a Slayer is something that only happens once… In death. They took that away from me. I didn't have that quiet calm anymore. I was suddenly in this harsh, violent world where everything was bright and dark at the same time. It hurt so much to know that I had lost that one chance I had for peace, that I just shut down. I was numb… Dead inside. When I was with Spike… With him, I found that peace again. I found that peace and I finally felt _alive_. He made me _feel_. No one else would let me cry on their shoulder. No one else understood… Just him… Always him… And I miss him…"

"It's alright…" Clem told her, his voice soft and reassuring as he rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He'll come back. He wouldn't have asked me to look after the place if he wasn't planning on it. He won't be able to stay away. He loves you too much to do that." Her questioning look caused him to shrug. "Guy wears his heart on his sleeve. Everybody knows how he feels about you."

She managed a rough laugh. "Except me. So many times I should've known, but I did. I didn't believe he could love 'cause he was an evil, soulless vampire… God, I was so stupid!" 

"You can't blame yourself, Buffy. You're the Slayer. He's a vampire. You were scared." Clem tried to reason.

"But I pushed him away…" Her large, frightened hazel eyes raised to meet his. "I had it all within my reach, Clem. All that love… Everything I've ever wanted. It was right there. He was willing to give me everything I needed, and I pushed him away because I was afraid to let him get too close… When they get too close, they leave… They always leave. I didn't wanna lose him, so I pushed him away… And now look at me. Alone, terrified… And he's not here to help me through it this time. I love him so much, but I…" Suddenly she stopped, her hand flying to cover her mouth in surprise when her own words echoed in her ears. Had she really just said that? Was it true? Did she love him? It had to be true… Why else would she have let it slip?

Clem noticed her fear at the realization, and he patted her shoulder gently. "It's okay for you to love him. It's understandable, after everything you were just talking about…" Her eyes dropped, and she nuzzled deeper within the folds of Spike's duster. "You look like you could use a little time alone. Tell ya what, I'll go out, and you can make yourself comfortable. I'll hang out somewhere till morning. Give ya a little time to think things over."

She nodded slightly and he smiled at her as he turned to make his way out of the crypt. Then, her soft voice stopped him…

"Clem?" It was nearly a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." She smiled lightly as she glanced up at him to catch the questioning glance the demon shot her way. "For listening, I mean…"

"Anytime." His reply was sincere as he turned to leave once more. In those moments, he prayed that the bleach blonde vampire would show up soon… Otherwise that girl was going to destroy herself….

Once she heard the door close, Buffy pulled her legs up into the chair, hugging her knees to her chest as she pulled his coat tightly around her small body and sobbed herself to sleep…

****

~*~Okay, this doesn't sound like it's gonna turn out to be a Buffy/Clem story, does it? 'Cause if it does, I really didn't mean it… I'm strictly Spuffy… So anyway, review if ya get the chance… Thanks!~*~


	2. Even Without You

`~*~Okay, first off, I have to thank Ozzie418/NyxandNixi… You're a life saver!!! I knew it was Alison Krauss, 'cause she's like one of my favorite singers, but I went through all the lyrics I could find of hers, and I just couldn't find the song… And doesn't it figure, the site I was at had _every_ other song she's ever done. It was like the only one that wasn't there… I was going out of my mind!!! Thank you _soooo _much!!!!!~*~ 

****

Chapter 2:

__

She walked among the horror; bare feet and white gown covered with slick blood still wet, though the place stunk of death and decay. There were remains everywhere. Human… All human. Such terror and mayhem was almost inconceivable to her. She'd seen her share of death and destruction in her time as the Slayer, but nothing had ever been so horrifying. How it had happened, she didn't know. Why she was walking through the remnants of it, she didn't know… All she knew was that there was something she desperately needed to do. Exactly what it was, she couldn't be sure… But whatever it was, it was important.

And then, she felt a familiar wave wash over her. Her Slayer sense was going haywire. But why? There was nothing left of this place. Where would they be hiding? There was nowhere… But whatever it was, it wasn't hiding. It was seeking her out. And she relaxed. It was closer now… He_ was closer now. There was only one who would bring about such comfort and familiarity, and it wasn't Angel. It was Spike. She could feel it in her gut. He was here. He had come back to her… Finally._

Seeking, she turned slowly. He was close… So close. So why couldn't she see him? But before she could force his name from her lips, her eyes caught something else. In the center of the horror stood two beautiful white bassinets, both laced with soft pink ribbon and lace. Where had they come from? Slowly… Cautiously, she approached them. They seemed to be the only thing left untouched on the bloody battlefield. 

When she reached her destination, she peered into the elegant bassinets, taking in the sight of the two most beautiful children she'd ever laid eyes on. They were sleeping peacefully, seemingly unharmed, despite the disadvantage of their position in the middle of the murderous night. Gingerly_, she reached out to gently brush back the soft blonde curls that were just beginning to fill out on the delicate head of one of the little girls before her. The Slayer smiled when she felt the child stir, latching her tiny hand tightly around Buffy's finger. And when the child's shining eyes were opened and raised to meet her own, her suspicions were confirmed. Those beautiful pools of blue left no room for doubt… These were Spike's children. And her own. _

"Beautiful, aren't they?" 

His voice startled her, and she jumped slightly upon realizing his presence. She hadn't felt him approach… Probably too wrapped up in her admiration of their children… The very light guiding her through this terrifying world of pain and horror. She smiled lightly as she felt his arms wrap around her waist, and she leaned into him, letting him hold her. 

Her free hand moved to rest on his at her waist and she laced their fingers, while the other moved to the still sleeping child and she trailed a gentle finger down the baby's silken_ cheek. Tears of pure happiness sprung to her eyes. "More beautiful than anything in this world."_

"I love you, Buffy." He whispered gently, turning her face towards him and capturing her lips in a soft, sweet kiss. 

"I love you, too, Spike." The words slipped out easily as she turned herself into his embrace, resting her forehead against his, one hand snaking it's way around the back of his neck while the other came to rest on his cheek. "I always have."

"I know, Love." His reply was shaken slightly with tears of his own as he kissed her lips gently one final time. Their tears mingled as they slid down into the blood pooled at their feet. She knew he had to go… It was meant to be. So when he untangled himself from her, she didn't fight it. "Take care of them… I'll see you on the other side. All of you. I love you."

And with those final words, he was engulfed in a bright blue flame, his body disintegrating before her eyes. As her tears fell, the two small children began to sob as well, their instincts telling them that things weren't right… And they weren't. He was gone. Their father was gone… Her love was gone. But as the flame before them disappeared, a wave of light ran through the darkness and all the blood and gore was replaced with the green of life… The battlefield turning to a large, lively meadow before her sad eyes. Light overcoming darkness. And still it offered no comfort. It did nothing to quell _the sorrowful sobs of the small, unlikely family, now one member short._

~*~*~*~

"Spike?" 

His name was a choked sob on her lips as she was immediately jolted from the dream. Her heart was racing; her eyes wide with terror. Had that been a prophetic dream or was it simply her mind playing tricks on her? Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes briefly, trying her best to compose herself. She must have cried herself to sleep in his chair. Then, Clem's voice broke her from her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you? I didn't realize you would still be here. If I was too loud, I…"

"No… No, it wasn't that." Buffy shook her head dismissively. "It was just… I had this really weird dream with Spike and fire and our children and… well, never mind. If anyone should be sorry, it's me. I mean, you _are_ kinda living here for the time being. I shoulda left hours ago. I didn't mean to intrude." 

She got up, as if to leave, and Clem raised a hand, waving her back down. She obeyed and curled back into Spike's chair, not yet willing to let go of the comfort she received from being back there. "No problem. Come over anytime ya like… Stay as long as you like. It's kinda nice to have a bit of company."

She smiled sincerely at him. "Thanks."

"Anytime. Now, about this dream. You wanna talk about it? You look a little shaken…"

"I dunno… I don't wanna bore you or anything."

"Not like I've got anything better to do." He reasoned, urging her to go on with his questioning eyes. 

Buffy nearly giggled. Clem could be quite persuasive when he wanted to be. Was it just her, or did demons seem to be the best listeners out there? She gave in, concluding that she needed to get it all off her chest, and chances were it wouldn't really go over too well with the rest of the gang. The whole Buffy dreaming of children… With Spike, no less. And twins? Somehow she got the feeling that wouldn't exactly go over well. 

"It was really weird." She began, somewhat thoughtfully. "I was walking through all this blood and gore and body parts… And then I feel my Slayer sense go all wacky, but not in a bad way. More comforting, ya know. And so, automatically I know it's Spike and I'm looking around for him. Instead of Spike, I see these two little white and pink bassinets, and so I go to them, and inside are the two most beautiful little girls I've ever seen. My children… Spike's… Ours. And so anyway, then he's there, and he kisses me and tells me he loves me and we're both crying. When he steps away from me, he's swallowed into this creepy blue flame, and he's just gone… And all of a sudden the blood and gore turns into this bright, sunny meadow, while the twins and I are sobbing. It was just… Strange."

"Maybe it's just your way of coping with his being gone. Ya know, the whole 'the-grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side' thing." Clem suggested helpfully.

She thought about it for a moment. It sounded pretty reasonable… But there was still one detail that didn't fit into that theory… "Then what about the twins?"

****

~*~I know, terrible… What can I say? I'm half asleep at the moment 'cause I had to baby-sit for a 4-year-old for nearly 7 hours today, starting at 10am after I was up till 4:30 or so for three nights in a row without the luxury of sleeping in past 9, and, though I love her to death, she totally took everything outta me. I'm completely drained of energy as it is and I have been since like 7pm. And still, I'm up typing at 2:48am, just because I felt the need to update… I wanna bring Spike back, damnit! LOL… Anyway, thanks again to everyone who helped me out with the song… I downloaded it, and listened to it over and over the _entire_ time I was writing this chapter… It makes me cry, 'cause I keep thinking back to _"Entropy"_, which made me cry… In other words, expect some major Spuffy fluffiness in future chapters… Chapters which will hopefully be coming very, _very_ soon…~*~


	3. Days Like These

~*~Well, here's the next chapter… Guess who's back! LOL… And I know it would never go this way. And, as much as I hate to say it, Buffy has every right to be angry with. I sure as hell would be… Although, I was kinda given a little hope when Buffy defended him to Xander in _"Villains"_. Ya know, about Dawn? Was that _"Villains"_? Anyway, I know it's fluffy… I can't help it. I was majorly depressed with _"Entropy" _and _"Seeing Red"_… And _"Entropy"_ just happened to be the last episode I watched before my shitty VCR broke… One we'd only had for like 3 months. So now I need to live in my own little world, where everything turns out perfect. LOL… It's fun! And if you think _this_ was fluffy… Just wait till the next chapter… Anyway, I'll shut up now… ~*~ 

Chapter 3:

Spike slowly wandered through the all too familiar cemetery. He was on his way back. It had taken a lot of courage for the vampire to drag himself out of Africa and back to the dreaded hellmouth. Would he be able to face her? Considering how he had left things, he'd probably be lucky if she didn't finally put a stake in him. He was sure she must hate him now… But he had to at least try. There was something coming for her. Something dangerous. Something he wasn't sure she could fight… Not alone. And it was his fault it was here… Nothing came without consequences. Especially when dealing with demons. He should've know that in the first place. Hell, he'd been the one to prove exactly that to the woman he loved. 

So now he was back, praying that when he saw her again, she would at least let him warn her before she gave him the staking he deserved. He would die for her in a second. Give his life to ensure the safety of his love. He hoped she knew that. He wasn't expecting forgiveness after what he had done. But he wanted some sort of chance to begin making it up to her… What would it be like, seeing her again? Did she miss him? Could she? No… There was no way. She'd probably been thrilled when he'd finally gone. One less thing to worry about. And he couldn't blame her if she felt that way.

Still, as he crept closer and closer to his crypt, he could feel her. With each step he took toward his home, the feeling continued to grow. He knew it was probably nothing more than his own wishful thinking. Why would she be there? She wouldn't…

~*~*~*~

Once again, Buffy had curled herself up on top of the sarcophagus in Spike's crypt. The lower level, including the bed, was still a bit charred. Actually, she didn't mind much. Truth be told she was more comfortable where she was, as strange as it might sound. This was the last place they had been together… It held a sort of comfort for her. 

Now, she slept here more often than she would like to admit. She and Clem had worked it out. Basically, she stayed there at night, while Clem took over the place by day. Worked out well actually, considering demons didn't tend to hang out in the daylight. The two of them had become friends since she'd started coming around. They talked a lot… Sometimes about nothing. Most of the time, about her relationship with Spike. She could share things with him she couldn't tell the others. None of them would've understood… They'd never really liked Spike. Except Dawn, of course, but she wasn't really talking much lately. At least not to Buffy. During the summer, when she'd been gone, it had seemed at first that they had all been getting along with him. And then she was back and they acted exactly the way they had before… And they certainly didn't seem grateful for his help. Now, with everything… She just didn't need to hear the snidecomments. Especially considering they all knew what Spike had tried to do to her. They'd be pissed if they knew she had already forgiven him. So instead, she talked to Clem… And it helped. A lot.

Ever since she'd started staying here, she'd been having those dreams… The ones of Spike and the two little girls. It seemed every night they would end slightly different… But he never survived. In fact, they were getting worse. She'd awoken in tears more times than she could count.

She missed him. She was broken without him. Her heart shattered. Hell, she cried herself to sleep almost every night now… This night was no different.

~*~*~*~

Carefully, he pushed open the door to his crypt. He could still feel her… Everywhere. For a brief moment, he wondered if maybe there was some hope left for the two of them. It seemed as though she been here recently… But it was probably nothing more than that tiny sliver of hope he'd somehow managed to hold onto. And again, the girl proved him wrong…

There she was, curled into a tight ball; wrapped in the sheets still covering the sarcophagus. She looked as though she had cried herself to sleep. Her cheeks were tears streaked… His old pillow soaked with those tears. Even in sleep, she looked restless. She was beautiful, plain and simple. As he stood, entranced by the tiny Slayer lying in what had once been his bed, he wondered why she was there. Was it possible that she missed him? Was that too much to hope for? Probably… But that didn't stop him…

Then, suddenly, he realized exactly what she would do were she to find him standing over her this way… It would lead to a definite staking. So, finally thinking better of what he was doing, he turned to leave. He couldn't be there when she woke up. He wasn't sure he would be capable of dealing with that at this point. Even as he stood at the opposite side of the room, he felt as though he was too close … Violating her somehow. He had come here to warn her, but there were other ways. He could go to Willow, or maybe Anya… Hell, even Dawn could handle this. But he couldn't… He couldn't deal with the hatred she would show him after everything he'd done. 

Stepping toward the door and quietly pulling it open, he made a move to leave the crypt… And then he heard it. She whimpered his name, the sound a frantic, pained whisper. When he turned back to question, he saw the tears falling from her eyes. Desperate sobs and incoherent words falling from her trembling lips. She looked terrified. And he couldn't take it.

Moving to her side, he reached out a tentative hand to brush her soft blond hair from her eyes. "Buffy, Love?" he questioned quietly, trying his best not to startle her. "Buffy, wake up, Pet."

It was no use. She wasn't waking up. What had her in such a panic, he couldn't even imagine… But whatever it was, he couldn't take it. He never could handle it when she cried. The last time he had seen her this way, he'd gone looking for her with homicidal intentions. And when she'd looked up at him, tears staining her cheeks, he'd melted… Instead of killing her, he'd ended up sitting by her side, trying his best to comfort the scared little girl she tried so desperately to hide. Now was no different. He loved her, and he wanted so badly to take away her pain.

Reaching out, he gently rubbed her shoulder, whispering her name as he tried his best to get her attention… To pull her out of whatever sleep induced vision was causing all her terror. And yet, no matter what he did, she didn't respond, but rather stayed lost in the dream. Slipping into a sitting position beside her, he gently stroked her hair as his other hand moved to wipe away her tears. It was at that moment that she decided to grab hold of him, pulling him down beside her and clinging to him desperately. She buried her face in his chest, and continued sobbing, her tears flowing even more vigorously than before. How could she still be sleeping through all of this?

For a moment, he attempted to slip from beside her, but with each move he made, he felt her arms tighten around him; locking him securely in place. Finally he just gave in, stroking her hair softly as he murmured soothing words to the beautiful blond Slayer in his arms. He knew he shouldn't be doing it… But he couldn't stand seeing her this way. There was no way he could let her be alone now. So instead he simply held her. If he was going to die tomorrow, he was damn sure gonna die a happy man… With her beside him…

****

~*~Okay, I know, it sucked… I don't even know what I wrote… It's too damn early. I should probably start going to bed before 4:30 in the morning. Or at least stop getting up at 9:00... So anyway, I'll read it over later, when I'm actually awake, and if it makes no sense, I'll rewrite it… Thanks for the reviews, by the way.~*~


	4. My Confession

~*~I'm back… Sorry it took me so long to update… I would've had this chapter up 2 days ago, were it not for my evil computer… I'm actually in the process of saving the thing, right? And then what happens? The damn computer decides to shut itself down and restart, for no reason whatsoever, and I lose half the chapter!!!! I was _not _very happy… So anyway, needless to say, I hate this chapter now… I don't know if it's actually as bad as it seems to me, or if it's just the fact that I know the first version was better, but either way, I hate it now… Stupid computer…~*~

Chapter 4:

He watched her as she slept. She was the picture of beauty. Her face was all innocence… Almost childlike as she rested in his arms. It had been a few hours since he'd shown up and found her in her distraught state. Once she'd wrapped herself around him, though, her tears had quickly dissipated. Instead, she'd cuddled against him, letting out a contented sigh. He'd concluded that in those moments, she must have thought him to be either Angel or Riley… Not much sense in getting his hopes up… She'd broken his heart far too many times for that. So instead, he'd settled for simply holding her. 

He'd slept for awhile himself… Better than he had in a long while in fact. For the first time in months, he wasn't plagued with the nightmares of what he'd done. Instead, he was happy. He knew it couldn't last… But in those moments, it was enough.

When Buffy awoke, she was unsure of what to make of the strong arms encircling her. She felt safe there. It was Spike, that much she knew… But was she dreaming again? What else could it be? He wasn't there… He would never be there. It always ended the same. They left. They left and they never came back. And yet, this time it was so different. This time he'd only gone because she had pushed him away. Would it really have been so hard to have just told him she loved him? No… She saw that now. It was all so much clearer now… But now it was too late. It was over… He was gone. For good.

For a long time, she kept her eyes closed, refusing to disturb the moment. She reveled in his touch… Even if he wasn't really there. But it felt real… Then again so did the dreams, but this was different somehow. She didn't really want to lose this moment… But she _did_ want to know if it was possible that he'd come back to her. Something inside her screamed that this wasn't simply a dream, and she needed to know…

After quite some time of debating with herself, she reluctantly let her eyes flutter open. And when they locked with the stunning blue pools that belonged to her former lover… The man who had haunted her dreams for months… She wasn't sure what to think. Was she still dreaming? Was there any other explanation? Could he really have come back to her?

"Spike?" she whispered softly, bringing her fingers to trail across his scarred eyebrow and then down along his jaw line. "Am I dreaming again?"

"Not unless we're having the same one, Love." 

"Dream-Spike just said the exact same thing to me…" she replied, her thumb now caressing his cheek, her eyes still locked on his. And then she saw him smile that stunning, tight-lipped smile… The one that had 'you're adorable' written all over it. She'd only seen it a couple of times before… All the night she'd gone to his crypt and gotten herself drunk before they'd gone looking for information and she'd ended up watching him cheat at kitten poker. Actually, she'd been so wasted that night, she was surprised she remembered seeing it at all… But she was glad she did.

"Promise I'm not dream-Spike, Pet." he teased lightly, his smile growing wider when he heard her giggle.

After a moment, she took a deep breath, joyous tears flooding her eyes as she realized he really was there before her; lying next to her. "So… you're really here, then?" He nodded in affirmation and her tears slipped from her eyes. The sheer happiness that he invoked within her was overwhelming. Pulling him to her, she clung to him tightly, unwilling to let go of this moment. "I missed you so much…" she murmured against his shoulder, light sobs choking her words.

"I kinda got that last night, Love." he told her softly. Pulling away a bit, she gave him a questioning look, not sure exactly what he meant. He smiled softly, gently brushing a stray strand of her golden blond hair behind her ear. "I came in and saw you here. Turned to leave the second I saw ya… Didn't think I could face you. And then I heard you call out to me and when I turned you were crying… Never have been able to take that, ya know? So I tried to wake you up. It didn't work. You just latched onto me like a little girl who'd just had a nightmare."

"I was…" she whispered softly, smiling almost sadly through her tears. "I dreamt that I lost you again…"

"God, I love you, Buffy." He was overcome with pure joy and happiness as he heard those words pour from her lips. Had she really forgiven him? It was perfect… Everything. Just being here with her. He wasn't really expecting a reply from her when he said the words… But there was hope in his eyes, and he knew it… This time he had no way of hiding it… It was too strong. He loved her too much.

"I'm not gonna tell you I love you." Her reply was gentle as she reached out to twine her fingers in his hair. She smiled a bit in reassurance when she saw his eyes drop a bit. That light of hope lessening slightly. "Not yet… Not here, not now…" she added softly. His eyes raised to meet hers in slight confusion, though that hope was re-ignited. "When I do, it's going to be perfect."

_When_. The word kept repeating itself in his mind as he stared at her in pure astonishment. Had she really meant that? Did she love him? The perfection of that moment got the best of him, and his own tears began to slip silently down his cheeks. But how could she have forgiven him for what he'd done to her? He wanted to ask her… He wanted to ask her so badly. But he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to push the words passed his lips. What he had done… It was so horrifying. He couldn't even think about it, much less discuss it with her… But he needed to know.

"Hey…" she whispered gently, squeezing his arm lightly in reassurance. When he felt it, his eyes raised to meet hers, sadness and guilt suddenly radiating from the stunning blue pools. Their eyes locked and she held his gaze, her beautiful hazel eyes full of assurance. "It's okay. I forgive you."

Sudden relief washed over his features at her words. "How did you know…?" 

"That you were thinking about it?" When he nodded she smiled. "You were getting all fidgety."

"Oh." For the first time he realized that his fingers were twisted in the bed sheets, where they hadn't been before.

She smiled brightly. Was she seeing things, or was that embarrassment painted across his handsome face? It wasn't as clear as it would have been, were he human, but it was there. Embarrassment wasn't typically among Spike's more prominentattributes, but it shown through every now and then… on very few occasions… and it was there. But this time it was different somehow… In fact, it didn't seem to be the only thing. Something had changed about him. And it was something important. But what was it?

Again, she reached out, running her fingers lightly along his jaw line; her touch feather-light. Curiousness had crept into her eyes and she needed to know… What had happened to him while he was gone? Where had he been? Why had he left? It all seemed to tie-in somehow… But how? "Something's different… Something important…" Her voice was soft, almost a whisper… as if she were speaking to herself. "What is it?" 

"My soul, Love."

****

~*~Okay, I'm not really sure when I'm gonna be able to get the next chapter out… I know what I wanna do with the rest of the story, unless I decide to change it at the last minute which, knowing me, is quite likely… I'm just not sure how exactly I'm gonna bring it into the story… So you'll have to be a bit patient with me… Oh, and thanks again for the reviews… I've realized it makes for great inspiration… lol…~*~

__


	5. Good Enough

~*~Well, here's the next chapter… Don't know if I like this one or not, either… Then again, I never really do… So anyway, hope you like it…~*~

Chapter 5:

She was shocked. There was no other way to describe it. It was certainly a good kind of shock, but it was shock pure and simple. Had he really just said what she thought he had said? A soul? Was that even possible? Had he done this for her? How had he done it? So many questions rolled through her scattered mind as she tried to fully process the words she wasn't quite sure she'd heard correctly. What was she supposed to say to that? 

His questioning look snapped her out of her stupor, and she shook her head a bit, trying her best to get over the initial shock of his words. And then, as it all sunk in, a wide smile spread across her lips. "Did you just say what I think you said?" 

When she saw him smile slightly and nod, fresh tears flooded her eyes and she pulled him to her; hugging him tightly. Until that moment, she had never truly know the strength of his love for her. She knew it was real. It had always been real, and as much as she had tried to deny the fact, in the back of her mind she'd always known. Deep in her heart, she had always known that she loved him as well. Unfortunately, her admission of the fact had almost come too late. If he had stayed gone… If he hadn't come back to her… It would have destroyed her. Life would have become meaningless. The only thing that had kept her going this long was her hope for his return. 

Did he know that? Did he understand that she had loved him before this mention of a soul? Or did he believe that it was the reason for the affection she was suddenly showing? Though, she hadn't exactly been shy up until this point... But she needed to be sure he was clear on the fact that her intentions were unconditional. Soul or no soul, she loved him and that was never going to change. What she felt for him was so different... So strong. During all of her previous relationships, she had been nothing more than a child. This was different. Her death had forced her to grow up. To face the true hardships of life… And to open her heart to the love she had so desperately denied. It had forced her to open her heart to the feelings she'd known were there ever since the day he had allowed himself to be tortured at the hands of Glory for nothing more than to protect Dawn. She loved him. He wasn't evil and he wasn't disgusting and certainly wasn't a monster. She loved him. He needed to know that…

"You know it's not just this soul, right?" she questioned quietly, pulling back slightly as her fingers gently ran through his soft blonde locks. "You know I felt this way before? I should have told you then. I know that now. I just… I was scared. Love hasn't exactly been a strong point in my life. I was afraid of losing you. I should have told you before... I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about, Pet. You have every reason to hate me. I should be the one apologizing nonstop… And I am sorry. God, Buffy, I am _so_ sorry. What I did to you… All of it. It was just… It was unforgivable." 

There were tears in his eyes and she smiled slightly as she gently wiped them away. "It wasn't unforgivable." she assured him softly. "Nothing is unforgivable. Not when love is involved. And yes, what you did was horrible. I'm not going to deny that, but after what I put you through? I'm lucky you didn't get fed up and decide to just kill me. I put you through hell, and I know that… And I'm sorry. If I hadn't been so damn stubborn and selfish, I never would have pushed you that far." He shook his head slightly, glancing but everywhere but her face. There was a look of shame covering his handsome features. As she watched him, her fingers stroked his hair lightly, encouraging him to let go of the past... To move on. "You didn't go through with it, Spike. You stopped yourself. You know as well as I do that it wasn't me who stopped you. If you had really wanted to finish what you had started, you would have. You always do. We both know that. Hell, to be honest, I probably would've given in. But you stopped yourself…"

"That's not enough…"

"It _is_ enough. It's enough for me… And I want it to be enough for you. Please, Spike. You've got to forgive yourself… You're not gonna be able to move on unless you let yourself believe that you deserve this…" She was begging him now. She didn't know what else to do. He had to know that everything was alright…

"But I don't. I don't deserve this… And I bloody well don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do." Her voice was firm as she locked eyes with his. "I'm the one who doesn't deserve you." Tears pooled in her hazel eyes once more as she pulled him closer to her; burying her face in his chest. She couldn't help it… These emotions were overwhelming. She just needed to be close to him. "You've always been here. No matter what… Spike, I _died_ and still you stayed. You stayed and you protected my sister and my friends… You didn't have to do that. You could have left. You could have gone… I don't know… somewhere, anywhere else. You could have gone to find Drusilla. But you didn't. You _stayed_. For me. For my family. You didn't have to but you did. That means the world to me… And still, I treated you like shit. I wasn't fair to you, and still you were there."

He was silent. She could tell he was trying his best to process what she was saying and possibly accept it… But he was having a hard time with it. It would have been easier if she'd hated him… Staked him the second he walked through the door. But she hadn't. She had accepted him without question. That, he wasn't sure he knew how to deal with. 

She was crying now herself; clinging to him tightly as her tears rolled down her checks to soak into the material of his t-shirt. Gently, he stroked her hair; holding her close to him. She wanted so badly for him to be okay… _Needed_ him to be okay. She prayed she could get through to him. It wasn't going to happen all at once, though… What he had done had torn him apart. 

She decided it was probably time for another subject. "How?"

He glanced down at her curiously. "What do you mean, Love?"

"The soul… How?"

"Oh… That…" He sounded a bit detached and she smiled.

"Yeah… That…" Her words were playfully sarcastic, and when he rolled his eyes, she giggled. This was good… The mood had lightened. A lot. It made things easier… Less complicated.

"Long story… I'll tell it some other time."

"Let me guess… Big, ugly, all powerful demon plus some kinda trial equals soulful Spike?"

"Actually it was three trials…" She glared. He laughed. "I'll give ya the rest of the story later… Right now there're more important things we've gotta deal with."

He was suddenly serious. And he wasn't talking about their relationship… It was something else.

"What's wrong?" 

Her look was questioning, and he wasn't quite sure how to explain this to her… He took a deep breath, however unnecessary it may have been, as he tried his best to prepare himself for what he was about to tell her. 

"Have you ever heard the expression 'nothing comes without consequences'…?"

****

~*~Hey look… There really is going to be a plot!!! lol… So anyway, I'll try to update soon. Been kinda busy lately, but I'll do my best. Thanks for your reviews…~*~


	6. Supernatural

~*~Hey look… 2 chapters in just a little over 24 hours!!!! My dad's waiting for the bank to call him, so I'm not allowed on-line from ten till five every afternoon this week till they call… Which means I can't be working on my _Buffy_ site… Which means I've got a lotta time on my hands… Which means I write… So anyway, here it is… Enjoy… And thanks again for the reviews…~*~

Chapter 6:

"Yeah…" Her reply was cautious. She wasn't exactly sure she wanted to hear his answer. Whatever it was he was worried about, it wasn't just yourrun-of-the-mill demon… This was big. He almost sounded… Afraid. Fear wasn't typically an emotion Spike pulled to the forefront… Fear in Spike was bad… Very bad. This was big. And probably something she really didn't feel up to dealing with at the moment…

He took a deep breath, wishing he could have taken care of things on his own... But he couldn't. It was too powerful for him. Hell, chances were, they wouldn't be able to take care of this together. But they had to try. His guilt over all of this was unfathomable… It was _his_ fault they were in danger. Buffy had nothing to do with this… And still, he had to pull her into it. It wasn't fair. It was fate.

"This soul… When the demon restored it… I don't know exactly. I guess the energies and magicks this guy channeled to transfer my soul back into my body… It awakened something. There was something there. Buried deep within the desert sands of Africa… Scattered and disconnected. Something primal; pure evil. Without solid form. Basically it's energy... The energy of Satan himself. Or something near enough to it. As far as I've heard, there's only one way to stop it, though it can't be destroyed… Or that's what they say, anyway."

Her eyes were wide. She had been right… This was bad. _Very_ bad. "So, how do we stop it then?" She tried her best to sound confident and dismissive, but she knew she was failing miserably. Too many apocalypses… All she wanted was a little time off. Just a little. Not even straight time off. Patrolling and staking a vamp or two was no biggie. That she could handle. But the end of the world? That was getting a bit old.

"See, that's where we've got a problem. Only way to stop it is through the use of extremely powerful white magicks. Ya know, the pure stuff. Nothing black… Black magick does nothing more than feed this thing... Makes it stronger. And we're two witches short… Only one who could've done it in the first place was Tara." he explained softly. His eyes dropped slightly at the mention of her name. Poor girl had died for no reason whatsoever. A stray bullet meant for someone else... Certainly not a fair way to die. 

For a brief moment, she wondered how he had known. After mere seconds, though, those questions were pushed to the back of her mind for later observation. Now certainly wasn't the time… "What about Willow? Why was Tara the only one capable? I mean, we both know how powerful Willow is…"

"That we do…" His voice was a bit rough; his tone almost spiteful. He didn't mean for it to sound that way. He understood why she had done it… At first. When it had just been Warren, he'd understood. Revenge was a beautiful thing... But then she had turned on Buffy. She'd gone after the woman he loved... The woman whom Willow had called her best friend for years. It hadn't taken her long to turn her back on that friendship. She'd tried to kill Buffy… _His_ Buffy. Not to mention Dawn. He wasn't sure he would ever be able to forgive her for that. How did he know it wouldn't happen again?

"Spike?" 

He'd drifted and he knew it… He also knew she had probably seen that brief flash of hatred for the young witch. He hadn't meant for her to see that. Things involving Willow were probably already hard enough for her. She didn't need him to further complicate that situation. So he dismissed it, shaking his head slightly as he tried to get back on track so he could give her an answer. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I know she's powerful. Very powerful… But that's not enough. Red only knew how to deal with the black magicks… Not that, at one time, she wasn't what you would consider a good witch… She was. But her magick wasn't pure. What she worked with was rooted in darkness. That darkness could do nothing more than generate more power for this thing. Tara was a white witch. Ran in her bloodline. She was the only one who could've handled it… And even then it may not have been enough. She had a lot of power. _A lot_. But it was a family thing… Ya know, passed on through the generations. Most of her power, she had yet to discover. Girl had more power than Willow, to be honest."

"How did you know she was gone?" Buffy asked suddenly, her curiosity getting the best of her. "And about Willow… How did you know?"

He chuckled slightly, but it was bitter…"News travels fast when the Slayer's best friend goes on a vengeful rampage and ends up nearly taking the world with her… Know about the whelp, too… How he stopped her. Pretty noble thing, that. I think he loves her…" 

The last part he mumbled thoughtfully, almost to himself, and it made Buffy smile. She'd thought the same thing… And then there was always Giles and Anya… Which, to be honest, was sort of a weird thought, but somehow it seemed to just make sense. Kind of like the two of them… The vampire and the Slayer… Unconventional, yet perfect.

And as soon as the thought entered her mind, she had to push it away. She would've loved to stay locked in dreamland, but the fact was, they had much more pressing matters to attend to… Matters that would probably lead to getting up and going to see Giles and the gang at the Magick Box… Which would probably lead to some very bad treatment Spike-wise… At least when it came to the men in the group. Xander would be especially pissed. She just hoped there would be no unnecessary stakage… 

"You're sure this is the only way to kill this thing…? There's no other way to destroy it?" she questioned, searching for anything that could possibly make things easier.

"As far as I know, magicks are the only thing that can trap it… Hold it at bay. But then again, I don't really know all that much about it. Nobody does. I spent at least a week askin' around… Trying to find some kid of information that could be of use. Didn't find much. Not anything that can do much good anyway… Considering our lack of wiccans. A year ago, this wouldn't have been a problem. But now… It's all just a big mess."

"Not gonna argue with ya there." she agreed, pulling herself up into a sitting position beside him. "This thing's on it's way here to Sunnydale, right?" 

"As far as I can tell." He nodded as he stood. They were on their way to the Magick Box, and he knew it. How he was going to face everyone, he wasn't exactly sure… But he was going to have to. They were in for quite a bit of research, and it would definitely require his explaining of a few things. He'd deal… As long as nobody staked him.

"If it does make it here, how're we gonna trap it. You said it was buried in the sands of Africa, right? And that the energy was scattered?" He nodded, and she continued. "How're we gonna trap it here? I mean, even if we could find somewhere that could hold this thing, would it work."

"I don't know." he admitted honestly. "We might have to draw it out of Sunnydale. We're so close to the Hellmouth… The mystical energies that alone creates could be enough to free it again even if we did manage to capture it."

"So basically, you're telling me we're screwed…"

"Basically…"

****

~*~Okay, does that even make sense? At all? lol… I know where I'm going, I just don't know if the way I'm explaining it is comprehendible… Oh, and this is gonna go further… I'll probably write like half of it where it's all set in the same night, and then in the last few chapters, it'll span like 6 months… lol… My concept of time is a bit strange…~*~ 


	7. It Don't Bother Me

~*~Okay, first off, to NyxandNixi, you realize I'm totally writing this for you now, right? lol… You're like my favorite person on earth right now… I mean, you helped me out with that song (which I'm forever grateful for, by the way), you review like every chapter, _and_ you actually use the word 'dude', which is totally my word… lol… Oh, and about your last review; yeah, it's kinda like that episode. I hadn't even thought about that one, but now that I do, it is kinda similar… I was thinking of the whole _"Restless"_ run-in with the first Slayer thing, but the other one works well, too. Anyway, here's the next chapter, and thanks to everybody who reviewed…~*~

Chapter 7:

"So, exactly how are we gonna do this?" He was nervous, and he knew she could see it. They were on their way to the Magick Box. This wasn't going to be easy… Seeing everyone again after all that had happened? He wasn't sure how they were going to react. Or rather how Giles and Xander would react… Especially Xander…

"We show up and hope you don't get staked?" she joked brightly. When he shot her a look that informed her he didn't appreciate her attempt at humor, she wrapped an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. "It's alright… I'll make sure nobody freaks. Besides, I don't think anybody would… Except maybe Xander. I mean, Giles wasn't exactly thrilled when he got the whole story, but he knows how much I've missed you and he accepts it. Anya… Well, Anya's Anya. She likes you and all, so she's not gonna kill ya… Will always liked you. Although, I doubt she'll be there, considering the circumstances. And as for Dawn… She'll be thrilled. Think she missed you more than I did, actually. You mean a lot to her, ya know?"

"I missed her, too." he replied, draping an arm over her shoulder. "Wish I coulda said goodbye… But after everything… I thought it'd work out better if I just left."

"Why did you go exactly? I mean I get why you left… But when you went to Africa… Did you intend on getting your soul back? Or did it just kinda happen?" 

He took a deep breath. How was he supposed to answer that question? He hadn't exactly gone to Africa to get himself a soul… It had been to get rid of the chip. To show her that she didn't have as much power over him as she believed she did. At least that's what he had convinced himself of. Fact was, he _had _gone looking for a soul… Or something similar anyway. In the back of his mind, he'd always known what he truly wanted… Some chance to make her happy. If he had really wanted the chip out, he would have said the words flat out. But he didn't. Instead, he'd asked the demon to make him what he was, so Buffy could get what she deserved. That hadn't exactly been specific, and he knew damn well that demons had an uncanny ability to twist a person's words until they mean the exact opposite of what they're actually asking for. 

"Kind of both, actually…" he replied thoughtfully. She looked up at him confused, and he smiled a bit. "I'm not exactly sure why I went. I think half of me wanted the chip out… And the stronger half wanted my soul back."

She nodded. "I get that… I think if I were you, most of me would've wanted the chip out."

"Chip _is_ out, though." He'd almost forgotten to tell her about that. There'd been so much going through his mind that fact had seemed almost irrelevant. He hadn't had the urge to kill since… Well, long before the chip had come out, in fact. The bloodlust he'd felt towards humans had disappeared long ago… About the time he'd fallen in love with Buffy, if he was completely honest with himself. She'd tamed his demon… Brought out the man hidden behind the monster. 

"What do you mean?" 

She was curious, but she didn't tense at the news… That was a plus. He'd been so sure she would have been at least a little wary of the fact once he'd told her… But she didn't seem to be thrown in the slightest. Maybe she really did trust him more than he'd initially thought.

He shrugged a bit. "I told you how powerful the magicks were that this demon used to restore my soul… Magick that powerful doesn't exactly mix well with technology… I'm probably lucky it didn't zap me into another dimension or somethin' like that. Wouldn't have surprised me."

"So the magick neutralized the effects of the chip?"

"Yeah… I would've told you sooner, but it kinda slipped my mind. Not really one of the more important matters we've gotta deal with, ya know? Haven't been killing. Don't plan on starting."

"No big…" She dismissed it immediately, waving it off as though it were nothing… Which it really wasn't. She knew he was telling her the truth. The guy was a terrible liar… Well, it wasn't really that he was a terrible liar. More like she just knew what she was looking for. It was all about the eyes when it came to Spike. All she had to do was read the emotion in those eyes. If he was lying to her, she'd know it immediately… She always did. "Not like it's really all that important… I mean, it is, but we've kinda got some kind of apocalyptically bad evil on our hands and so, ya know, the whole no chip thing kinda pales in comparison."

"Yeah, it really does, doesn't it?"

"Yep… So, you ready for this?" 

They'd made it to the Magick Box. Everyone else was already inside waiting for Buffy. Once they'd left his crypt, they'd found a payphone and called in the gang. It late… Very late. Almost 4:30 in the morning to be exact. They hadn't been happy about the call, but she'd figured the situation was a bit too urgent to wait till the sun was up. Besides, sun and Spike didn't exactly mix… Though that had never stopped him before… She also hadn't mentioned Spike's return. Both of them had thought it better to get everyone there first. There was no telling who would've decided to skip the meeting were she to bring him up. Well, okay, so Xander was the only one they would have been risking, but at the moment, Xander was a crucial member of the team… They needed everyone they could get at this point.

"I dunno… Who's gonna be in there?" 

He looked nervous… Very nervous. In all honesty, she couldn't really blame him. It must have taken a lot of courage for him to agree to come with her to the Magick Box. And yet, he'd been by her side immediately… Just like he always was. Whenever she needed him, he was there… And he always would be.

"Probably everybody but Willow. Usually Dawn wouldn't be there, but she's been really into the research lately. She likes to help out… Makes her feel useful. If she heard the phone ring, you can be sure she's in there 'cause, ya know, who else would be calling at 4:30 in the morning?"

He nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Right then… Let's get this over with, shall we?"

Buffy took it upon herself to take the first step… Opening the door and stepping through. It'd be harder for someone to shove a stake through his heart if she were standing in front of him. She knew well enough that he could hold his own… But she also knew that he wouldn't defend himself against her friends. He felt guilty enough… He wasn't about to add to that by putting Xander in the hospital. 

The second she felt him move to stand behind her, she reached for his hand; pulling him closer to her in a protective manner. She could feel their eyes on him… Everyone was shocked. They certainly hadn't expected to see him there. There was complete silence. Anya and Giles both looked surprised, while Dawn looked as though she was about to burst with happiness… And then there was Xander… Who just looked pissed off.

It was Xander who broke the silence. "What the _hell_ is _he_ doing here?!"

****

~*~Okay, I'm not really sure how this chapter is… I haven't really had the chance to look it over or anything. It was sort of a spur of the moment thing… My computer hasn't been working for like 2 days or something, and I really felt the need to update… Anyway, I'll try my best to get the next chapter up soon… Thanks for reading. And thanks again for your reviews.~*~


	8. I'll Stand By You

~*~Thanks to everyone who reviewed… And about the whole 'cliffhanger' thing; sorry about that. Didn't really mean for it to be a cliffhanger. I was gonna put these two chapters together… And then I got through the other one and realized I was either gonna have to split it into two, or make it a double long chapter… I figured this would be easier… lol… So anyway, here's the next one… Hope ya like it…~*~

Chapter 8:

"Xander…" Buffy's tone was firm; her eyes warning. She'd known it was coming, but there really wasn't time to deal with it at the moment. Once everything was over, she'd take whatever he had to throw at them… But there wasn't time.

Dawn chose that moment to break out of her stunned silence… Nearly Shrieking Spike's name, she launched herself out of her chair and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. Briefly, the thought that he was lucky oxygen wasn't a necessity flashed through his mind, but after a moment it had retreated and he was smiling brightly… A real, genuine smile. Something he didn't do often. Wrapping his arms around the girl, he hugged her back. He'd missed her, too… Almost as much as he'd missed Buffy.

Immediately, Xander was on his feet, moving toward Dawn protectively… Hell bent on getting her away from Spike. Buffy stood firm, refusing to allow Xander an accessible path around her. 

"Xander, would you just stop!" Buffy begged, standing directly in front of him; her anger beginning to show through.

"How the hell can you let him anywhere _near _her?!" Xander's voice rose with each word… His eyes dancing with hatred for the bleach blonde vampire. "After what he did to you?! You're willing to just let him back in?! Give him an all access pass to not only you, but your sister!!! God only knows what he's been doing since he left?! How do you know he didn't run off and find a way to get the chip out of his head?! Did you even think about _that_?!"

"Damnit, Xander!!! Stop!!!"

"No, Buffy!!! I'm not gonna stop _anything_ until he gets the hell outta here!!!"

Buffy was pissed… She wasn't gonna take this from him. Not now, not ever. There were much more productive things to be done that _didn't_ involve a screaming contest over the vampire. "Back room. Now." She pointed toward the training room, her expression leaving no room for discussion. Either he was gonna get over this thing, at least for the moment, or she was gonna kick his ass out. She wasn't going to deny that his help was much needed right now, but they weren't getting much done by arguing about the Spike situation.

"I'm not leaving him out here with them!"

"Back. Room. Now." She was nearly growling now, and she knew it. Not that she had really planned for it to come out that way… It had just kind of happened. But it worked. Within seconds, Xander was on his way to the training room; Buffy on his heels.

The second the door was closed, Xander exploded, his anger getting the best of him. "Ya know, I really don't get this Buffy! After everything he did… How the hell could you let him anywhere _near_ Dawn?!"

"But you were okay with taking her over to his place not 24 hours after it actually happened?! I mean, okay, yeah, you did try to talk me out of it and all, but you weren't half as reluctant as you should've been if you feel _this_ strongly about the situation… So what's the difference?!"

"There were circumstances then!" he tried to argue… That didn't even sound very convincing to his own ears. She was right… He knew it, but that didn't mean he had to admit it to her.

"What circumstances?!" She was nearly screaming… Really, she wasn't sure why she'd ordered him back here in the first place. There was no doubt that everyone in the other room could hear every word they were saying… Hell, half the town could probably hear them… Her anger was boiling over, and she was praying she'd be able to focus long enough to _not_ knock him across the room. As it was, she wasn't so sure that was gonna happen… Her eyes were cold; her feet planted firmly on the floor in an almost defensive stance… All she could feel was the way her fingernails were biting into her palms, reminding her to keep the rage in check. "It's not like we couldn't have found somewhere else to send her! If we'd tried _at all_ we could have! But we didn't! Why?! Because even _you_ know that Spike would die before he'd ever hurt Dawn!!!"

"And I also thought he'd never hurt you! As much as I hate to admit it; the guy loved you… In his own sick and twisted way. And after you came back, yeah, I thought you were safe with him… But he proved me wrong, didn't he?!"

Her eyes softened a bit as she looked at him. He was being sincere. What Spike had done _had_ been terrible, and Xander was one of her best friends. Even if he was a pain in the ass, he was only looking out for her. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she sighed; smiling slightly at him. "I understand what you're saying." Her voice was quiet now. She'd calmed down quite a bit. "But Xander… You know that Spike and I is a lot different from Spike and Dawn. Right before he left it was like we did everything we could to test the limits… See who could push who further. It was like this big game. He tried to provoke me; I tried to provoke him. I think we both looking for a reason to get out. Ya know… Let go. Beating up on one another isn't exactly unexplored territory when it comes to me and Spike. You and I both know he wouldn't ever hurt Dawn… _Ever_. She means the world to him. I saw it the night you brought me back… She'd run off to find me and when he couldn't find her, he was terrified. He'd never hurt her… He'd never hurt _any _of us."

"But how do you really know that? I mean, do you even know if he's still got the chip?"

The conversation was a lot calmer now… Which was definitely of the good. She no longer had the urge to throw him through a window. "He doesn't…" When he attempted to reply, she held up a hand, intent on stopping the argument before it started. He was quiet. He knew better than to further piss off the already angry Slayer. "But he won't hurt us. It hasn't worked on me since I was brought back because of the whole resurrection thing. He knew that… But he didn't hurt me. And he won't."

"Okay, so maybe he won't hurt you, or even any of us, but who's to say he won't go back to getting blood the old fashioned way? Just because he'll leave _us_ alone doesn't mean he won't go after someone else…"

"He won't." She was calm… Her voice confident.

"But how do you _know_?"

"Because he's got a soul…" 

Upon saying the words, she examined Xander's face… He was almost as shocked as she had been. His features were twisted in an amusing mixture of shock, disbelief, and amazement. For a moment, she wondered if she had looked that strange when Spike had told her… Probably, considering the fact that she _was_ in love with the guy… Actually, she had probably looked stranger… Still, she almost laughed. This had to have been the first time she'd ever seen Xander speechless. And he really, _really_ was. Spike with a soul was like… Well, Spike with a soul. There really was no comparison to that. 

And then they heard Giles' voice from the doorway. When they turned to him, both knew that he wasn't exactly having an easy time digesting the information he wasn't sure he'd heard correctly…

"Spike has a soul?"

****

~*~Okay, and again, I have to tell you; I have _no_ idea what the hell I wrote… I have this thing where I when I write these things, it's too damn late to care… Even though, it's been my experience that I do my best writing when I have no actual comprehension of what I'm writing… So anyway, if it sucks, sorry… And let me know so I can fix it. Or try anyway… Well, _Buffy_'s gonna be on in like 20 minutes so I'm gonna go get my tape ready. Oh, and yes, this is gonna go further… And ya know the whole dream thing in chapter 2? I swear that'll eventually have relevancy… lol… Anyway, review if ya get the chance… Thanks…~*~


	9. Evidence

~*~Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out… I've been babysitting like nonstop for the past few days and when I am home, my parents are hovering around, and I _really _don't feel the need to give them more ammunition against me… They'd mock me for years if they knew I wrote fanfic… lol… Anyway, it's here now… Hope ya like it… And thanks again to everyone who reviewed…~*~ 

Chapter 9:

Running a hand through her hair, Buffy sighed. This just wasn't getting any easier. "Yes. Spike has a soul." She said it slowly; her tone reflecting her annoyance. The soul wasn't really the issue… Well, okay, so it kinda was considering it had awakened the evil they were gonna be dealing with, but there wasn't time to go over it with each person separately. "Could we maybe take care of this with everyone else so we can get down to business? I didn't call everyone here at 4:30 in the morning to discuss Spike's soul… Or, well, I kinda did, but there's quite a bit more to it than that."

"Yes, of course…" Giles replied, his eyes reflecting confusion as he stepped aside to allow Buffy and Xander to pass.

In the other room, Dawn was sitting at the table with Spike, talking excitedly. His smile was wide as he listened to her babble on about everything that had happened since he'd been gone. It was obvious he was trying his best to keep from laughing as the younger Summers talked his ear off… Until she mentioned the new boyfriend… When Buffy saw him, she could've sworn his face drained of color that shouldn't have been there in the first place. Suddenly his expression changed to that of an overprotective father.

"Boyfriend?"

"It's okay…" Buffy called, laughing as she approached them. "He's human. I promise. And he's a pretty nice guy. You'd like him… All gentlemanly and such."

He shot her a look and she giggled as she sat beside him. Then he turned back to Dawn. "Once we've stopped the impending doom of Sunnydale and all who inhabit it, you and me are gonna have a little talk."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say… _dad_." 

"Damn right." Buffy laughed and Dawn swatted his shoulder playfully, both amused by the display. 

"So, end of the world… Sounds important." Xander was obviously annoyed by the happy, family-like banter going on between the two Summers girls and the all too soulful vampire. Spike didn't really seem to be acting all that different… But it was still creepy. Before now, the word Spike and soul had never coincidedin the same sentence… Or even the same contextfor that matter. Then again, it seemed to be making Buffy happy; having him back and all. So he really couldn't complain. He hadn't seen her smile since Spike had left. Maybe his having a soul could be good for her… Even if his previous arguments were still in need of further examination.

"Oh, yeah… Almost forgot." Buffy said, almost dismissively. "Okay, I think it was something like powerful magicks used to restore Spike's soul awakened an evil force in Africa that can't really be stopped…" She turned to Spike questioningly. "That about right?"

"For the most part…" Spike replied before proceeding to fill them in.

"Wait, you've got a soul?" Dawn questioned when Spike had finished explaining the situation.

Buffy sighed exasperatedly, hanging her head in her hands. It seemed no one was understanding the whole end of the world prospect. They seemed to be much more interested in Spike's soul… Though, then again, she could kinda understand why. They'd dealt with the end of the world at least six or seven times… Spike's coming home with a soul had only happened once in recent memory, whereas there _had _been an apocalypse not six months ago. "Look, could we _please_ not get hung up on Spike's soul again. Not that it's not wonderful and amazing and every other word you can think of to describe good, but there're really more important issues in the midst of all this." 

"Buffy's right…" Xander agreed, though he was still slightly confused by the situation, as were the rest of them. "So is this like an end of the world thing?"

"Not so much the end of the world… More like the complete and total destruction of the human race…" Spike explained, his tone almost casual.

"And with that knowledge… Spike's soul is good _how_?" Xander wasn't exactly liking the sound of things. This was very, very bad… And they were all still recovering from the near apocalypse Willow had caused. Not to mention the fact that the whole magick solution was kinda off limits to them… That just made it worse. How could they fight this thing without magick? "So Giles…" Xander began conversationally. "Any ideas on how to stop this thing?"

"Or have you at least heard of it?" Buffy questioned. "'Cause we were kinda hoping you had…"

"I can't say that I have… You said that this evil is believed to be the essence of Lucifer himself?"

"It's what a lot of 'em told me. Don't know how much of it's actually rooted in fact, though… Seems everybody I ran into had a different story. That was probably the most common, out of all of 'em." Spike replied. He'd hoped Giles had at least heard something of this before, as had Buffy. It may not have given them any direct answers, but at least it would've been a place to start. As it was, they had absolutely nothing to go on.

"It is…" They all turned to Anya, who was standing by the cash register going through the books once again. She looked up, to see all eyes on her. "What?" she questioned, not quite sure why they looked so surprised. I _was_ a vengeance demon for eleven hundred years. I've heard a thing or two about almost everything out there. There's a lot I could tell you about…"

"Anya, not really the time for stories." Buffy reminded, still waiting for answers about the mysterious evil they were going to be fighting. "What's up with thing exactly?"

"It is the essence of Lucifer himself. See, it's kind of like The Judge… Ya know, with the whole destroying of humanity thing… Only this thing does it slowly. It attacks the subconscious. It usually happens when you're asleep, but it can happen when you're just dazed out. Your mind kinda has to be detached from your when it passes through you. And when it does, it doesn't technically kill you. It makes you crazy… Paranoid. It just keeps getting worse and worse until you're finally so far gone that the paranoia takes over and you attack anything even remotely human that crosses your path."

"And, though this is certainly helping with the explanation, how the hell do we stop it?" Buffy questioned, looking expectantly at Anya.

"Why're you all looking at me?" Anya asked. "I don't know _everything _about it. All I know is what I just told you and what Spike just said about all the magick and stuff…"

For awhile, there was dead silence in the room. No one was sure what to make of the situation. If magick was the only way to destroy it, then there was really nothing to be done.

After a moment, Xander spoke up. "Wait, if all it takes is white magick, then isn't there somebody we could call? I mean, I know Will's not doing the stuff anymore, but she's gotta know someone who could…"

Spike cut him off, shaking his head dismissively. He was getting a bit frustrated with the boy… Or maybe it was just the whole impending death thing. Either way, he was aggravatedand he needed to take it out on someone… And Xander seemed the most worthy contestant at the moment. "That won't work… It's _not that_ easy."

"Who the hell asked you?!" Xander turned on him; once again angry with the vampire. 

"You can't drag in just anybody!" Spike countered. "For this we need pure magicks… That's not something you find in every Wicca! White magick has to run in the bloodline, Harris! That's the _only_ way to pass it on! And even if we _could_ find someone who has that kind of power, they've gotta have experience! Not everyone with the gift practices it… In fact, most don't. We don't have time to go searching the world over for a powerful Wicca with the gift of white magicks! We've got to find a way to fix this… _Now_."

"Yeah?! And how exactly do you propose we do that?!" 

Xander looked as though he were ready to strangle the vampire, however ineffective it may have been, and Buffy felt the need to jump in before they ripped one another's throats out. "Research?" she suggested cheekily.

****

~*~And again with the whole 'I'm really not sure what I wrote' thing… It's like one in the morning and I got zero sleep last night… Three of our cats just had kittens. There're 13 of 'em all together. And guess where they all are… Downstairs where I sleep. Doesn't really make it easy, especially considering my damn dog has suddenly decided to take over the parenting responsibility, and half the time, she won't let their actual mothers anywhere near 'em. Oh well… I'm babbling… I do that when I'm tired… I think I'm gonna stop now…~*~


	10. Elsewhere

~*~Hey look, another one… Personally, I don't like this one, but I never really do 'cause I wrote it, and that's how I am… Anyway, here it is and hope ya like it… Oh, and to NyxandNixi, about the kitten poker thing… If only!!! lol… Just kidding… I love my kitties. Three of 'em are named after characters on _Buffy_… Well, three of the new ones… All together there're five… Anyway, thanks for your reviews…~*~

Chapter 10:

The gang had been gathered at the Magick Box for hours, researching their latest problem. The sun had long since risen and everyone was exhausted. Dawn had fallen asleep not ten minutes after opening the first book, and Buffy hadn't been far behind… As soon as she had rested her head on Spike's shoulder, she'd been out. And considering his constant grumbling about Buffy's close proximity to the newly souled vampire, Xander wasn't exactly a big help either. For the most part, the only three in the group who were getting anything done were Giles, Anya, and Spike. Not that it really made a difference anyway… They weren't finding anything.

"You do realize this is pointless, don't you?" Anya questioned as she slammed shut yet another ancient text. "We've been working at this for hours and I haven't even seen the slightest mention of this thing in any of these books… And neither have either of you. Not to mention the fact that the shop's gonna be opening in less than an hour. Don't you think maybe we should look for other ways of researching?"

"And exactly how else are we gonna research?" Spike asked curiously, his eyes never leaving the book he held. From the corner of his eye, he saw Xander glare at him when his free hand move unconsciously to gently stroke Buffy's golden blonde locks. Spike knew Anya was probably right… They weren't finding anything this way and they were all in need of a good long rest. Buffy especially… He could tell she hadn't really been sleeping well. He didn't know what was wrong, but he knew there was something that had been haunting her. Maybe he'd ask her later… But even if he didn't, he had no doubt that she would eventually tell him what was bothering her… She always did.

"I don't know…" Anya told him, shrugging her shoulders. "What about Willow?" 

"What about her?" Xander asked, curious.

"Well, if we can't find anything in the books, maybe we should try the internet… Willow's our expert when it comes to that type of thing…"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea…" Giles agreed. "Although, it would probably be good to keep at least a couple of people at the books…"

"I'll stay. It's daylight and all…" Spike volunteered before gesturing to the two Summers girls. "Besides, I think these two need to get home and get some sleep, Anya's got the shop to run, and somebody's gotta go fill Willow in on the whole situation. I figure me and Giles here can stick around and take care of this end, and Xander, if you don't mind, you can drop Buffy and Dawn back at home and then you can tell Willow what she needs to know."

Xander glared at the vampire for a moment more before sighing heavily. He was just gonna have to deal with the bloodsucker… There really wasn't much of anything he could do about it. If Buffy wanted to be with him, then that was her mistake. It wasn't his place to interfere. Yes, he was her friend, and he worried about her… Probably more than he needed to… But Buffy could take care of herself, and if she saw something good in Spike, then he wasn't going to argue. Besides, Buffy wasn't exactly the type of person who's fun to argue with… Buffy was the type who could kick your ass in a millisecond, and that was never fun…

Finally, he decided to just give in. As much as he hated to admit it, Spike actually _was_ right about this one. They _did_ need Willow's help and Buffy and Dawn both looked like they needed to sleep. So instead of arguing, he nodded. "Alright. I'll let ya know if Will finds anything." 

Spike nodded his thanks to Xander before going about the nearly impossible task of awakening the soundly sleeping Buffy. "Buffy, Love, wake up…" he whispered softly; his hand making slow, gentle circles on her shoulder. She stirred slightly, but only to cuddle closer to him before sighing contentedly and drifting back into dreamland. When Xander's eyes narrowed at the sight, Spike had to bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud… Soul or no soul, he'd always had a lot of fun trying to get a rise out of the boy. "Come on now, Pet… Gotta get ya home." he coaxed gently, his hand never stilling on her shoulder. 

After a moment, her eyes fluttered open sleepily and she raised them just slightly to meet with his crystal blue ones. Smiling, she again snuggled closer to his side. "Don't wanna…" she murmured groggily against his shoulder. "Like it here…"

"Sorry, Love, but I think you ought to go home, crawl into your nice warm bed, and sleep for as long as you want… You're exhausted, and ya need some rest." he disagreed 

"Come with me?" she joked playfully, though there was a hint of hope behind her eyes… Sleeping beside him seemed to calm her nightmares somehow. She wasn't sure exactly what it was… Maybe it was simply being close to him again that was settling her subconscious.

"And _that_ is something I _never_ needed to hear." Xander grumbled as he went about his work of waking the still slumbering Summers… Which was no easy task. In fact, Dawn was a heavier sleeper than Buffy.

This time neither Spike nor Buffy could hold back their amusement. Both laughed. Spike didn't hold back, whereas Buffy tried her best to keep her giggling to herself. After a moment, she swatted Spike's chest lightly, urging him to stop… Which he did once he caught the look she shot him. Buffy smiled up at him amusedly. She had to hand it to him… The guy was obedient…

"So…" Buffy began to question as she straightened up a bit, though she had no intention of actually moving away from her vampire. "What exactly are we doin'?"

"Well," Giles began, still flipping through one of his books… Buffy suspected he was doing everything he could to avoid seeing the display she and Spike had been putting on. "Xander's going to drop you and Dawn back at home and then he's going to stop by to see Willow so he can fill her in, while Spike and I stay here and continue researching this way."

"This way?" Buffy was slightly confused. "How else are we researching?"

"Gonna see if Red can dig up anything on the internet… Might be somethin' out there we don't have here… Even if she doesn't find anything, it's worth a try, right? Ya know, gotta cover all our bases." Spike offered.

"Yeah." She nodded in agreement. "Alright… Um… Spike, are you gonna stop by the house later, or should we just meet you here?"

"I'll drop in a little after sunset… We can take a sweep of the cemetery before we show up back here… If ya want to, that is…"  
"Sure… Sounds good." she replied as she sighed heavily, reluctant to leave her comfortable nest in Spike's arms. Finally, she dragged herself away from him and stood, not really wanting to leave, but knowing arguing would get her nowhere. She knew as well as they did that she was in serious need of a good night's rest… Or day's as it was. "So, we ready to go?"

"Yep…" Xander had finally succeeded in waking Dawn and the girl was looking none too happy about it.

"Okay." She nodded, lightly kissing Spike's cheek before turning to go with the others.

"So…" Spike said conversationally once they had gone, his eyes once again focused on the books he had been skimming. "Know anything else about this thing, Anya?"

****

~*~Thanks again for your reviews… I'll try my best to get the next chapter up soon… Although I'm not sure exactly when… I kinda need to study a bit so I can go get my permit. It shouldn't take too long, though… Probably just a couple of days before I update again… Unless I'm feeling really inspired, or the intense desire to write… That happens a lot, too, so I really don't know when I'll update…~*~


	11. By Myself

~*~Okay, about the Giles/Anya thing, I know it didn't make sense… It's not supposed to yet. I plan on explaining it in future chapters… Then again, I might not. It kinda depends on whether or not I stick with my original plan for the story. I've had some new ideas for it since I've started writing, so I might change around the initialplan… Anyway, if I explain it, then I'll explain it… If not, just pretend like it was never there, 'cause I do change my mind a lot when it comes to these things… Anyway, here's the next chapter. This one's set with Xander and Willow. Hope ya like it, and thanks for your reviews…~*~

****

Chapter 11:

It had been hours since Xander had dropped Buffy and Dawn off at home, and he was now sitting with Willow in her small apartment. After she'd tried to end the world, she'd thought it best to move out of the Summers house, for obvious reasons, and with the help of her parents, she'd moved herself into the small, cozy apartment she now called home. At first it had been strange… Not seeing Willow everyday… Although, ever since what they now referred to as 'The Incident', Xander and Willow had grown closer. It had in fact been Xander who had saved her, after all. 

For a long time after it had happened, Willow had avoided all contact with any of them. Especially Buffy. Her guilt had been overwhelming… Trying to end the world wasn't exactly something you could just brush off with a couple of quick apologies. Not to mention the fact that she'd also tried to kill them all… Her friends… Her _family_.

Instead of dealing, she'd locked herself away and refused to have any contact with the outside world. No matter how many times Xander had called, begging her to pick up the phone. But she hadn't… Not even once. So, that considered, she couldn't exactly say she was surprised when she'd come home one day, after a quick run to the grocery store, and found him lounging around on her sofa. The first thing she did was scream at him to get out… When that didn't work she was reduced to begging for him to leave, silent tears welling in her already swollen and bloodshot eyes… Still, he refused. And when she finally realized that he wasn't going anywhere, she'd broken down and cried in his arms once again, just as she had the day she'd tried to destroy the world with her magicks. 

After that, he was there every other day, simply to be her best friend. They would watch movies, listen to music, talk… Whatever they felt like doing. It was almost like old times… Like high school. The way it had been before she'd started using magick. And it felt good to have that back… That bond that best friends have with one another. Not that things were all better… They weren't. They probably never would be again… But it was getting better. Buffy had started speaking to her again not two weeks after the incident had occurred, and life was almost back to normal again there, too. Giles, the ever-understanding Englishman that he was, somehow didn't blame Willow for what she had done. Anya hadn't exactly been happy with her, for the most part because she'd destroyed the magick shop, but she too had gotten over it quicker than Willow would've expected. Dawn, though, was a completely different story… She still hated the former Wicca for what she'd done. But Willow was able to accept that… She had to… Besides, she knew better than anyone that she deserved whatever the girl had to throw at her.

Now, she tended to shy away from the Magick Box a bit… The place seemed to hold a lot more bad memories than good these days. Right now she didn't need to be burdened by those memories. If Willow were to show up back there at this point, it would only make things more difficult for her. What she had done was horrifying… It chilled her to the bone to think that she had nearly murdered everyone she had ever held dear in cold blood. How she could've done that, she didn't know. And she probably never would. When it had happened, she had felt as though every drop of humanity had been drained from her until there was nothing more than the power of darkness left within her… But there had been some tiny shred of humanity left in her. And that had been just enough for Xander to grasp in order to pull her back. He had been her saving grace.

Xander sat beside Willow as she searched for anything and everything that could be of help. The two of them had been working at it for hours, and they just didn't seem to be finding anything. Not anything Spike and Anya hadn't already told them anyway. Both of them were beginning to get frustrated.

Sighing, Xander glanced up at her. "You thirsty?" he asked distractedly. He was about ready to fall asleep… It had been a long, long day, and this certainly wasn't helping matters any.

"Sure." she replied, never once glancing up from her laptop. 

Xander nodded before getting up and making his way to the tiny kitchenette to find a couple of sodas. Willow stayed engrossed in the information on the computer screen. There really wasn't much that she thought they could use, but the page had mentioned something that sounded a lot quite similar to this thing they were looking for, and there was quite a bit of information. Most of it was nothing more than background, but it was possible that it could be of some help… She just hoped she wouldn't have to go to the Magick Box with Xander to convey it. Seeing Spike again wasn't something she was particularly thrilled about… She couldn't even imagine how angry he was going to be with her. She had attacked Buffy _and _Dawn in her rampage… Buffy and Dawn were his life, and she knew that better than anyone. Were anything to ever happen to them, it would destroy him. No matter how much everyone else in the group continuously tried to deny it, Willow had always known that the vampire was capable of loving them. How, she wasn't exactly sure, but it was love pure and simple. She had threatened the only two people on earth that he cared for at all, and she didn't really want to know what his reaction would be… Soul or no soul.

"Xander!" she called, glancing up toward the kitchen. A moment later, he appeared in the doorway, two Colas in hand and looking as though he would drop dead from exhaustion at any moment. Before she could stop herself, she let out a quick giggle before her hand flew up to cover her mouth; the large smile plastered on her face obvious with the way the corners of her eyes crinkled slightly.

Xander rolled his eyes as he moved from his position in the doorway to plop himself back down beside her. Handing her one of the sodas, he popped his open and took a long swallow before his eyes locked with hers once again, this time questioningly. "What's up?"

"I think I might've found something… I mean, I don't know exactly how much help it's gonna be, but it's something… From what you're telling me, at this point, any information is welcomed, right?" Her question was hopeful. Right now, she really wanted the chance to help out with this… No, helping wasn't going to make everything better… She knew that. But if she could help, she needed to. Maybe it was just a type of peace offering to Spike. Not that the information wasn't needed. Any information they could get could possible be of help.

"Yeah… You really found something?"

"Yeah. Well, I think I did. I'm not really sure if it's gonna help any, but yeah, I found something." 

"Great!" Xander's exclamation was a bit too enthusiastic, and Willow gave him an amused look. He shrugged, calming down a bit. "Sorry… It's just, ya know, gonna live… I don't know about you, but to me, that's a definite plus." Willow laughed and he smiled slightly. It was nice to see her happy again… That smile had been absent for far too long. "So… Magick Box?"

"Do I have to?" she questioned, a little apprehensive. 

"What's wrong with the Magick Box?" He looked at her curiously, not exactly sure why she was so reluctant.

"Well… Spike, ya know? I mean, I after what I did to Buffy and Dawn… He can't be all too happy with me right now." She felt a bit embarrassed. It wasn't so much that she was scared of Spike… She just wasn't sure how he'd react when he saw her again.

"He's not gonna do anything… The whole soul thing… And then there's Buffy. He knows she'd be pissed. He may not be thrilled with ya, but he's not a threat."

Though she was still slightly unsure, she nodded and hit the print button on the computer screen. Once they had the information they needed, they were up and out the door. 

****

~*~Well, there it is. Sorry it took me so long to update. I've been babysitting a lot… In fact, I was doing just that for over 12 hours straight on Monday… Kinda exhausting. Anyway, unless that happens again soon (which it very possibly may), I'll have the next chapter up in the next couple of days. I'm also no longer burdened with the reading of the stupid driver's book. I still haven't taken the actual test yet, though… I'm so gonna fail it… I read the book, and it was so incredibly boring, I don't remember a damn thing that was in it… Except for something about cities having speed limits that are way below 65 (like 30mph or something) that aren't posted 'cause it kinda pissed me off. I don't wanna have to pay for a ticket because I don't know the speed limit because the damn town doesn't feel the need to post it… Dude, I really need to stop babbling… I'm done now, I swear…~*~


	12. Mean Sleep

~*~Okay, here's the next chapter… I would've had it up yesterday, but we were havin' some serious computer problems. I was totally getting anxious… I wanted to write so bad… In this chapter, we're dealing with Buffy and Dawn, by the way… Anyway, here it is… Hope ya like it, and thanks for your reviews…~*~

Chapter 12:

Buffy shot up in bed, breathing heavy; tears staining her cheeks. She'd had that dream again… The one with the blood and gore and the twins and Spike's untimely demise… It had terrified her. It always terrified her. She still didn't know what to make of it. For a long time, she'd tried to convince herself that it had been brought about by his leaving. But now he was back and she kept having the dream… And her dreams weren't always just dreams… Especially not when they were repetitive. She was scared to death. If she were to lose him again, she wasn't sure if she could make it…

Wrapping her arms tightly around the extra pillow beside her, she hugged it tightly to her and sobbed. She couldn't lose him again… _Ever_. She needed him. She needed him so much it hurt. And she couldn't live without him beside her. Not ever again… 

~*~*~*~

In the next room, all Dawn could hear were her sister's sobs. She tried her best to ignore them and continue reading her magazine, but it just didn't seem to be working. At the moment, she wasn't exactly thrilled with her sister… In fact, for the past few months, ever since Spike had been gone, she'd hated her. He had only left them because of Buffy and the way she'd treated him. Dawn was fully aware of what the vampire had tried to do to her sister, but she also knew how Buffy had treated him. Not that she was saying that what Spike had done was right, it wasn't and she knew that better than anyone, but he hadn't needed to leave because of it. Besides, if Buffy hadn't have been using him for god only knows how long, it never would've happened in the first place. Dawn knew she probably had no right to blame Buffy for Spike fleeing town, but that didn't stop her… Who else was she gonna blame? 

As much as she hated Buffy for what she'd done to Spike, it didn't stop her from caring about her sister… The same sister who had died to save her and the rest of the world. The same sister who had been trying her best to make everything right again while dealing with not only slaying, but also having been ripped from heaven. She knew it must have been terrible for Buffy… All of it. But that still didn't make what she'd done to Spike right. And it didn't make what Spike had done to Buffy right. And it didn't make Dawn stop loving her sister.

Sighing, the younger Summers pushed herself up into a sitting position on her bed and tried to debate whether or not she should go see what was wrong with Buffy. After a few more minutes of listening to sister cry, she decided it would be best to go talk to her. It seemed that the Slayer had been excessively depressed ever since Spike had left… And now, with him back and her sister still crying herself to sleep, Dawn was beginning to wonder what exactly could be wrong. Whatever it was, it had to be bad… And her sister needed someone to stalk to. So, her mind made up, Dawn got up and made her way to her sister's door.

"Buffy?" she called out quietly as she turned the knob and slowly stepped into the room. "You okay?"

When she realized Dawn was in the room, Buffy quickly sat up; hastily wiping away the tears that streaked her face. "Dawn, hi…" She looked up at her sister, a fake smile plastered across her face; her voice sounding far too cheerful considering her swollen, bloodshot eyes. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"That's what I came to ask you…" Dawn replied, the corners of her lips turning up a bit but never quite turning into an actual smile as she sat beside her older sister. "What's wrong? Why are you crying? I mean, you've been all depressed since Spike left, and I thought now that he's back you'd be better… Aren't you happy he's back?"

"Of course I'm happy." Buffy looked up at her sister, her smile real this time. "I missed him so much when he was gone… So much it hurt. Literally. When I woke up and saw him there beside me, I was… God, I was so happy, I can't even put it into words. After months of thinking that I'd lost him… forever… I just… It was incredible, ya know?"

"Then what's wrong?"

"Dawn, you don't have to…"

Dawn held up her hand to stop her sister from finishing that sentence. "Buffy, I know I haven't exactly been thrilled with you lately… And I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not mad anymore, 'cause I am… But as angry as I may be with you right now, I still love you. I always will love you. You're my sister… You died for me. That means a lot… And no matter how angry I get with you, I'm always gonna care… Right now you're hurting, and I wanna know what's up. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Buffy smiled at the younger girl once again… Then her gaze traveled to her hands and held there. She supposed it was about time she told Dawn about the dreams… Maybe if her sister knew, it would help Buffy to sort things out. "It's just … Ever since a couple of weeks after Spike left, I've been going to Spike's crypt… Staying there over night, as you've probably already figured out. The first time I was there, I had this weird dream. It's about me, and Spike, and these two beautiful little girls… Our children. Twins." Buffy's eyes raised to meet with Dawn's once more as her smile grew and her eyes began to water once again. Dawn smiled slightly at the thought and reached out to take Buffy's hand in hers as a way of comfort and support. Taking a deep, calming breath, Buffy continued. "And every time… in the end… Spike dies. And it terrifies me… Because I don't think I can live without him… Ever, _ever_ again. Dawn, I love him. I can't lose him…" 

"Oh, god… Buffy…" Dawn's voice was sympathetic as she reached out and pulled her sister into a hug. Stroking her hair soothingly, Dawn allowed Buffy to cry on her shoulder. "Buffy, it's okay… It was just a dream. He's here now. He's here, and he loves you, and he's not going anywhere. You know that, don't you?"

"But what if it's not just a dream?" Buffy choked out between sobs. "What if it means something… What if means that something's gonna happen to him. Dawn… I keep having this dream. Over and over again… Every night that he's not with me… And what if it's a Slayer thing? What if it's a prophecy? That's happened to me before. What if I lose him again?" 

"Buffy, you're not gonna lose him." Dawn's voice was firm… Reassuring. "He loves you, and he's not gonna leave you. Not unless you want him to. He's not going anywhere. It was just a dream… You've got to believe that, Buffy."

"But I can't…" she murmured quietly. "I can't because I love him too much… I love him, and this dream terrifies me. I don't wanna lose him, Dawn… I _can't _lose him. I love him."

"I know…" Dawn whispered, almost in tears herself. "I know…"

****

~*~Okay, there it is… I'll update as soon as I can… It may be awhile if the computer starts actin' up again, but I'll do my best… I promise there'll be more Spuffiness… Probably not till chapter 14, but that won't be too long… I hope…~*~


	13. Special Girl

~*~For this chapter, don't even ask… I don't what it's about; I don't know whether or not it makes sense. I just wrote it to get to the next one… Oh, and to Erica, about my kittens; the names are Acathla (sp?), Oz, Anya, Xander, and Giles… Giles is a sweetie. He's only like a month old and he's gray and he's got the sweetest little face. And he insists on sleeping on my pillow at night… I'm always afraid I'm gonna roll over and crush him… Okay, I'm done babbling now… lol… Anyway, this chapter's set with Spike, Anya, and Giles at the Magick Box.~*~

Chapter 13:

After being at the Magick Box since 4am, Spike was beginning to get restless. For the past hour, he'd been watching the clock; waiting for the sun to set so he could go pick up Buffy. Really, he hadn't been getting much done… They still hadn't found anything and Spike was bored out of his mind. Rather than actually reading, he'd simply kept his eyes on the books and turned the pages every now and then… It kept Giles happy, and it gave him time to think about his Slayer… Again… Just like he'd been doing every second of every day ever since he'd fallen in love with her… Or since he'd realized his feelings, anyway.

Sighing, Spike closed the book he'd been holding and glanced up at Anya… Who was obviously as bored as he was. Only she was a little more open about it. Ever now and then, she would let out a little sigh, and her fingers tapped consistently on table in front of her. He smiled a little when he saw her look up to shoot a death glare at the watcher sitting across from her, though he took no notice of it. In fact, Spike could've sworn he hadn't so much as glanced up from the books he'd been working through ever since Buffy had left with Dawn and Xander. When the thought entered his mind, he wondered briefly whether or not Buffy had gotten any sleep. Something had been keeping her up at night… He could see it… And he planned on finding out what was up as soon as he saw her again.

"Anya?" 

When she heard Spike's voice, she nearly jumped out of her skin. No one in the room had said a word for quite a log time, and she hadn't been expecting the sudden break in silence. "Don't _do_ that!" Anya scolded, giving him a wide-eyed that screamed annoyance.

Upon hearing Anya's exclamation Giles glanced up from his book and smiled at her slightly. It was funny how the vengeance demon, and one obviously difficult to kill considering her previous eleven hundred years as the same, could be so easily frightened by a thing so insignificant as Spike's voice… Or a rabbit, for that matter. It was… Cute.

Spike noticed the slight exchange between the two and smiled a bit… This was different. And really not something he'd been expecting. For as long as Spike could remember, Giles had seemed to be… offended, by the girl. Now he seemed comfortable with her. Almost overly so, in fact. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you…" Spike apologized, when he realized it was about time he said something. 

"It's fine… Now, what do you want?" 

Her words, if interpreted the wrong way, could've been considered offensive… But he knew better. She was Anya. She didn't mean anything by it, she was just looking to get to the point. And then there was the fact that her tone had been far more curious than it had been annoyed or offending.

"Is there anything more you can tell us about this thing? About it's origin, or what it does, or, well… anything?"

For a moment she considered his question. Then she glanced up and shook her head. "Nope, not really."

"Maybe more details?" Giles put in, pulling his glasses off to clean them.

"Um…" Again, she looked thoughtful for a moment. "It affects different people at different times." 

"Which means…?" Spike prompted, arching an eyebrow in her direction as Giles replaced his glasses and looked at her curiously.

"Well," she replied, speaking slowly as she tried her best to recall everything she'd heard and seen over her years as a vengeance demon. "For one, it only affects humans… Or, well, Spike and Angel would be affectedbecause this thing would recognize them as human. Right now, they're not exactly demons… They've got souls and they're being forced to hold the demon in check… But otherwise, it's just humans. Anyway, let's say the three of us were infected at the exact same time. Me, it wouldn't affect, 'cause I'm an active demon. With you and Spike, kick in at different times… Depending on who's stronger mentally and emotionally. Other than that, I really don't know anything else…"

"Alright." Spike nodded his thanks as he glanced up at the clock again. There were still a few more minutes until sunset, and he really wasn't sure how much longer he could take it…

"Ya wanna get goin' to go see Buffy, huh?" Anya questioned, noticing the way his eyes were continuously locking with the clock above her head.

"Huh?" He looked at her, surprised for a moment, until her words registered and he chuckled lightly, nodding his head in affirmation. "Am I really that obvious?"

"Like a lovesick puppy dog." She replied matter-of-factly, before cracking a smile. "I think it's good. She's missed you. A lot… Like _a lot_, a lot. You're good for her. I think she needs you around. Makes her feel comfortable… Loved."

"I'd have to agree with Anya." Giles replied, giving him a supportive, almost fatherly look. "Before you came back, we thought we'd lost her… She just wasn't… Well, she just wasn't Buffy anymore. She was lost; alone… We're all grateful you're back."

"Well, gotta say, I wasn't expectin' that…" Spike told them, his face showing his all too obvious surprise. He was shocked. There was nothing more to it… He could hardly believe what he'd just heard. From Anya, he wasn't quite as shocked, but from the Watcher… That was just… Not what he'd expected. 

"And I never expected her to fall for you… But she did, and I have no right to judge her. If she feels you're worth it, then that's her decision, and I'm going to support her… And I think she made the right choice. You're a good man… Or vampire, actually… But you love her, and I know that. She needs that right now…" Giles explained, obviously a bit uncomfortable with the conversation. "But if you ever hurt her, I'll kill you myself."

Spike smile slightly, nodding his acknowledgement to Giles. "No need to worry about that, mate... If I ever hurt her, _I'll_ kill me myself."

"As long as we're clear on that." Giles replied, before turning back to his research.

Smiling, Spike shook his head and got up… The sun was set, and it was time for him to go. "Finally." he mumbled to himself as he grabbed his duster and slipped it on. When they overheard his statement, Anya laughed and Giles smiled. Then, Spike glanced up at 'em and nodded. "Well, I'm off… I'll be back later with Buffy."

"Be careful out there." Giles warned, glancing up at him once more, almost fatherly in his concern.

"Always." And with that, he was on his way to the door. Just as he reached it, he nearly ran into Xander and Willow, who were on their way him. Nodding a quick hello to the both of them, smile plastered on his face, he allowed them to pass before continuing on his way.

Glancing back toward the all too happy vampire, Xander looked back at Giles and Anya, confusion etched on his face. "What was that all about?" he questioned, motioning over his shoulder in the general direction Spike had headed. 

The answer came from all three of the others in the room. "Buffy."

****

~*~Okay, I honestly don't know what the hell I just wrote… It was just a quick interval **between the last chapter and the Spuffiness, so I was getting a little anxious 'cause I've got ideas for the next chapter and I wanted to start writing it… In fact, I'm gonna go start now…~*~**


	14. Happy

~*~Okay, here's the next chapter… I don't like it much, 'cause I couldn't actually get to much of the Spuffiness… There was too much, so I had to separate it into two chapters… Oh, and to Angel; if you'd rather just have me e-mail you when I update, just let me know you're e-mail address and I'll let ya know every time I update… Ya know, to save ya the trouble of having to check in all the time. I know _exactly_ how frustrating that can be… Fanfic can make ya crazy… lol… Anyway, I'll stop with my babbling now, 'Cause ya know, it's one in the morning and I've gotta start going to bed before 5am 'cause school's starting in like a week… Stupid school…~*~

Chapter 14:

"How do I look?" Buffy questioned in Dawn's direction, her eyes hopeful. "Do I look better?" 

"You looked fine before." The teenager insisted, not even glancing up from the teen magazine she held in her hands. 

Buffy gave her sister her patented, _'what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about'_ glare and then turned back to the mirror. "Before I looked like I'd spent half the day crying my eyes out." she objected, examining her eyes to make sure they were free of their previous bloodshot appearance.

"You did." Dawn replied, her voice reflecting annoyance as she eyed her older sister as if she'd lost her mind. Then, thinking better of the argument, she turned her attention back to her reading material, no longer interested in Buffy's grooming habits. She'd seen plenty of it in the past hour or so, and she had lost all interest long ago… Though she did find it cute that Buffy was so worried about her appearance for Spike. It hadn't really been something she'd ever expected to see. And it was definitely a good thing. Smiling a bit to herself, Dawn continued reading.

Exasperatedly, Buffy rolled her eyes at the younger girl. Then, a few moments later, satisfied with her appearance, she turned back to Dawn. "Dawn, really now… How do I look?"

Giving her sister a death glare, Dawn finally tossed the magazine aside and shook her head, annoyed. "Buffy, you _do _realize it doesn't really matter don't you? The guy's seen you at your worst… which, might I add, is pretty scary… And he _still_ sticks around. He's not gonna care what you're wearing."

"I _know _that." Buffy replied with obvious impatience. "I'm not talking about what I'm wearing… I'm talking about my _eyes_. Do I look like I just spent a good half of the day sobbing into a pillow?!"

"Not really… Well, your eyes are still kinda swollen… And red… And…"

"You are _so_ very helpful, you know that?"

Dawn laughed slightly, smiling at her sister. "I'm kidding, Buffy. You look fine… Promise."

For a moment, she continued to glare… Then, she heard the doorbell, and it was all over. There wasn't much she could do about it now… He was here. What was she gonna do? Sit around upstairs for another hour, while Dawn tried to convince him that she was primingfor the bleach blonde, formally evil vampire standing at their doorstep? That _ so _wasn't happening… So instead, when she heard the doorbell a second time, she grabbed her jacket and jogged down the stairs. 

__

Pulling the door open she gave him a look. "You coulda just walked in, ya know?"

"Wasn't sure if you'd uninvited me or not." he replied, shrugging.

She gave him another look. "Okay, after everything I've said to you today, you _still_ thought I would've uninvited you? Have you gone insane?"

"Never really was quite sane, Love…" 

"Well, compared to Drusilla…" she stated matter-of-factly. He rolled his eyes; trying his best to keep his smile to himself… It didn't work and she laughed. "You ready to go?"

"What? Not gonna ask me in?" he questioned jokingly, as he peered over her shoulder. "Got another guy in there I should know about?"

"Guy? Ha… Not likely…" She nodded her head in the direction of the staircase. "Nope… More like a nosy little sister who's planted herself on the steps so she can hear every word we say."

"Hey, I'm curious!" Dawn defended, causing the two standing in the doorway to shake their heads and laugh lightly. Buffy gave Spike an _'I-told-you-so' _look and his seemingly permanent smile grew a bit. "What?! You _did_ just spend over an hour in your bedroom changing clothes and asking me whether or not you looked okay! Do you really expect me to back off after that? I think not… Now make with the smoochies."

"Dawn…" Buffy warned, turning to face her sister. "Back upstairs… _Now_."

"Oh, _come on_, Buffy."

"_Now_." Her voice was a bit firmer now. 

"But what about patrolling? I thought you were gonna let me come with?" Dawn complained.

"Dawn, you _know_ I don't let you patrol on school nights. Tonight's a school night. You are going to bed, and you're gonna stay there. You were already up _way_ too late last night, and you need sleep. Now _go_." 

"But I thought Spike's just getting back home last night would constitute a day off…" The hope in her voice was useless, and she knew it. When Buffy had promised her things would get better, she'd kept her word… But better also meant more rules and regulations. And that meant no missing school unless she was in bedridden with a hundred and three degree temperature.

"Dawnie, you know better than that. You're going to school tomorrow and that's all there is to it… Now go. Please."

Exaggerating a sigh, she pushed herself up. "Fine…" she replied, her voice filled with feigned annoyance. Then she smiled, and bounded the rest of the way down the stairs. For the first time in months, she hugged her sister tightly and then turned to Spike to do the same. He hugged her back and after a moment, she pulled away and smiled again at the two of them. Turning then, she started on her way up the stairs. "Goodnight guys… You two have fun." she called over her shoulder; her voice all insinuation. 

Buffy sighed and looked heavenward, her expression a clear _'why me?'_. It was all Spike could do to keep from laughing out loud. Hooking an arm around her shoulder, he led her to the door.

"Come on, Pet… Let's get goin'" he urged as she followed his lead.

"You realize I'm gonna strangle her one of these days, don't ya?" Buffy looked up at him, trying her best to look serious. This time he couldn't help himself… He laughed. She was just too cute… Rolling her eyes, she swatted his shoulder playfully. "Well, aren't we the ever supportive vampire tonight?"

Smiling as they stepped outside and closed the door behind them, he pulled her closer to him and her arms wrapped around his waist; her head coming to rest on his shoulder. They walked that way, just as they had the night before… And it felt wonderful. She loved being in his arms. Loved being close to him… She loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone. More than Riley, more than Angel. Spike was meant for her. How she knew, she wasn't sure, but she knew… She could feel it. Every time she needed someone, he was there. It had never been that way before. And he wouldn't leave… Or, if he did, he wouldn't stay away. He hadn't yet, and something deep down inside her assured her that he never would. No matter how impossible their relationship seemed. With him, she knew her heart was safe… She wasn't about to give that up for the world. She loved him, and she needed him, and she was damn well gonna keep him by her side… No matter what it took. They would find a way… They always had in the past. She wasn't going to let that change… Ever.

****

~*~Well, there it is… The second half with Spike probably isn't any good… I never re-read that part 'cause I just finished it like 2 minutes ago… And plus, this chapters like a lot shorter than most of the others… Oh well… Anyway, just to let ya know, the next two or three chapters are gonna have virtually nothing to do with the whole evil thing that is the plot, and instead they're gonna be nothing but Buffy and Spike… And probably a couple of minutes at the Magick Box with the Scoobies 'cause they _did_ say they'd be back…~*~


	15. Like A Child

~*~Okay, first I've gotta say… The whole job thing in this story… I swear I didn't get it from spoilers. I don't read 'em… Never have, never will… But some of my friends do, and they mentioned something about Buffy working at the high school... I've had the whole school thing planned out for awhile now, and to tell ya the truth, I've always wondered why she never got a job teaching self-defense, so I just kinda stuck 'em together and this is what I got... Anyway, thanks for reviewing, Angel... Anyway, here's the next chapter… Hope ya like…~*~

Chapter 15:

"Well, this is just a big waste of time." Buffy's voice was filled to the brim with pure annoyance. She and Spike had been patrolling the many Sunnydale cemeteries for almost two hours, and they'd gotten nothing but a couple of fledglings who definitely hadn't been experienced in their fighting. It wasn't so much that she felt the need for violence and murder tonight… She just didn't like to sit around the cemetery for hours at a time for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Though, the time had given her some alone time with Spike... Time that they'd spent discussing the thing everyone else was researching. Maybe if they talked about something else, she'd feel better about being there… 

"So, the Niblet's patrolling with ya now?" Spike questioned out of the blue.

Glancing up at him, she laughed… That took care of it. "Thanks."

He gave her a confused look. "For what?" 

"Subject change…" she replied, smiling up at him. Returning the smile, he simply shook his head. "Yeah, I've been lettin' her patrol with me… Hell, she'd probably be out here with us tonight if she didn't have so much homework. I don't usually let her on school nights, but since you just got home and all, I might've made an exception. But, because she's always gotta wait till the last minute to finish her schoolwork, I had to say no, 'cause I can't let her start slacking off again… That could be very, very bad."

He nodded his agreement as he slipped an arm around her waist. "I get that… So, what else has been different since I took off?"

She took a moment to think. A lot of things had changed, but she wasn't all too sure exactly what he already knew about… The night before, he'd told her he knew about what had happened with Tara and Willow… And then, he'd spent an entire day at the Magick Box with Giles and Anya who could've explained plenty to him… So where was she going to start? Sighing slightly, she glanced up at him. "Well…" she began, still not sure what exactly she should bring up. "I quit the Doublemeat."

He smiled at her. That was definitely good for her. The place gave him the creeps… The people there were either mindless drones or overly happy with a smile permanently etched on their creepy little faces. He certainly wasn't gonna argue with her choice to leave... He just hoped she'd found something better. "So, what're ya doin' now, then?"

"Working at the school actually. New self-defense teacher... They've never had one before, but the principal thought it might actually be a good position to add. Ya know, 'cause we live in Sunnydale on the hellmouth and all."

"You really picked up a job at the school?" he questioned, surprised. He'd never really pegged her as the teaching type. When she nodded, he smiled a bit… Buffy's working at the high school could definitely be good for her relationship with Dawn… The two actually seemed to be doing a lot better since he'd been gone. Though, at the Magick Box the night before, he _had_ sensed a bit of tension between the two. "Everything alright with you and the Little Bit?"

For a moment she was silent. She was afraid that, were she to tell him the reason for the awkwardness between her and Dawn, he would feel worse than he already did… She knew his guilt was weighing on him terribly, and she didn't want to make it worse for him. Sighing a bit, she let her gaze travel down to her feet, where it held. "Since you left she's been kinda angry with me… Like really angry with me. Today, now that you're back, she seems to be a little less distant, but I know she's still mad."

"She was mad at you because of me, wasn't she?" he asked; his voice quiet as he noticed the change in her posture.

"No…" she looked back up at him, taking hold of his hand to stop his forward path. 

When he felt her hand in his, he stopped, but didn't immediately turn to her. As tears flooded his eyes, he squeezed them shut tightly; swallowing hard and trying his best to will them away. He'd hurt her again... This time through Dawn. And he hated himself for it.

"Spike, please…" She pleaded for him to look at her. "It wasn't your leaving... It started around the same time, yes... But that was because she'd only just found out about the two of us, and then the whole thing with Willow… She just didn't have time to hate me before you left. This isn't your fault. It's my fault... I hurt you, and when I did that I hurt her. She loves you like a brother... A father even. I wasn't willing to accept that, and I hurt her because of it. I swear to you, none of this is your fault."

He was staring back at her now; his stormy blue eyes piercing her hazel ones… All she could see behind those eyes was the pain of guilt. When she saw it, she felt her own eyes fill with unbidden tears. As she stepped closer to him, she let his hand slip from hers, while she reached out to trail a gentle touch along his cheekbone. 

She hated seeing him this way... Hated to see him in pain... Of any kind. She always had. She remembered all too well how she'd felt seeing him lying on the hard stone slab of the sarcophagus after Glory had beaten and tortured him… And that time it had been the same. She had been the cause of that pain. All she had wanted to do when she'd seen him there was throw her arms around him and hold him until all the pain he was in had disappeared... But that had been out of the question considering his bruised and beaten state. So she'd done the next best thing... She'd kissed him. 

"I promise you, it wasn't your fault. I need you to believe that... Please." She was begging him, and she couldn't care less… She couldn't see him this way. She just couldn't... "Please…" she murmured once again as she rested her forehead against his; her thumb gently caressing his cheek. Her own tears slipped from her eyes as his arms snaked around her pulled her close.

After a moment, her head moved to his shoulder and her hand fell to his chest. When she felt him nod slightly, she breathed a tiny sigh of relief. Snuggling deeper into his arms she let him hold her. The comfort she received from their position warming her heart.

"Alright, Love…" he whispered softly into her hair, before pressing a soft kiss into her golden locks. "What'd ya say we get on back to the Magick Box? They're probably wonderin' where we're at by now…"  
She nodded slightly, though she made no move to leave his arms; not yet willing to break the contact between the two of them. She didn't really want to leave for the Magick Box and end up having to kick Xander's ass due to his dislike for Spike… 

"Not yet?" Her words were hopefully questioning, and when he glanced down to see the peacefulness that was written across her features, he couldn't resist her charms. "Can't we just stay like this? Just for a little while longer?"

"Always, Love… Always…"

****

~*~By the way, sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out... I've been babysitting a bit more than I'd planned on… And I'm gonna have to warn ya to expect a slow down in September… Not only am I gonna have school gettin' in the way, but it's also a big babysitting month... But I'll do my best... Promise…~*~


	16. Wait

~*~Well, here's the next chapter… I hope it's okay, 'cause it's probably gonna be all I'll be posting for awhile… I'm havin' a helluva time working with this piece of shit that likes to call itself my computer… I so need a new one… Not to mention the fact that I'm back in school now, and the _first day back _I was up till 10:30 at night doing homework… My teachers don't seem to understand that I have a life outside of school… Thank god I dropped chemistry… If I was still in it, I'd be dying right now…~*~

Chapter 16:

Buffy sighed slightly, still in Spike's arms, as she traced random patterns on the material of his black t-shirt. They'd been standing there together for quite awhile, and she knew damn well that they really needed to get going… But she didn't want to. She liked being exactly where she was, and she hated to think it would eventually be necessary to break the contact. This was where she wanted to stay for the rest of her life… Right here beside Spike. In his arms… Where she belonged. He was the only man she had ever truly loved and, as wrong as the rest of the world believed it to be, there was no way anything that was so wrong could feel so right. She needed him to be whole… He completed her. Made her the person she'd always wanted to be.

Sighing again, this time heavily, she raised her eyes to meet with his. "We gotta leave, don't we?"

He smiled lovingly at the reluctance he saw written across her features. She was so beautiful… For a moment, he was lost in her. He loved her so much, there were no words that could ever do it justice. He needed her, and now he had her… And he was never going to let her go. _Ever_.

After a moment, upon realizing he had never answered her question, he let out a sigh of his own. "Guess so…" His reply was just as reluctant as her question had been… They'd both been far too comfortable in the embrace for the thought of breaking it to even cross their minds... But then reality had sunk in, and they both knew they needed to get a move on, no matter how badly they wanted to put off the inevitable.

Moving away from him just slightly, she hooked an arm through his and nestled her head against his shoulder as they began to walk once more, in the direction of the Magick Box. For a long time, they stayed that way… Locked in the comfortable silence created by the two of them. After awhile, though, Spike's mind wandered and he knew he couldn't really hold off from asking her any longer. It was driving him crazy… There was something going on with her, and he needed to know what was up. When he'd first gotten to the house, he'd noticed how fatigued she was still looking, and her eyes had been slightly swollen and bloodshot. Seeing her that way scared him… He didn't know what was wrong with her, and he needed to.

"Buffy?" he questioned quietly… So quietly, in fact, that she hardly picked it up at all.

Glancing up at him, smile firmly in place, she raised her eyebrows slightly in question. "Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

The question obviously had her confused. What was he talking about? There was nothing wrong… Nothing had been wrong since she'd woken up with him by her side the night before. Why would he think there was something wrong? "Huh? Spike, nothing's wrong. Everything's… Amazing. I mean, you're finally home, Dawn's speaking to me again, Willow's almost back to normal, Giles stuck around… There's absolutely nothing wrong." When the words left her mouth, she truly believed them. Since she'd been with him, her dream hadn't even crossed her mind. And she had no idea that that was what he had been referring to… So, instead of explaining, she gave him yet another quizzical look and waited patiently for his reply.

"That's what I thought…" His tone was slightly relieved, but he wasn't satisfied with her answer… Just glad that, for the most part, everything was as it should be. "But there is something, Pet… I can see it. You were crying before I came to pick you up tonight and you haven't been sleeping right either… So what is it?"

For a moment, she was confused; still unsure of what exactly he was talking about. Then her eyes widen slightly as realization struck her. "You noticed the crying?" It was an attempt to change the subject, and they both knew it. Really, it wasn't so much that she didn't want to share it with him… More that she was afraid. What would it mean, were she to tell him? If she told him, would it make it all reality? Did it matter? Would it become reality anyway? 

"Of course I noticed…" His eyes locked with hers as he said the words; his voice so soft she wasn't completely sure she'd heard him correctly… But with one look into those amazing blue eyes, and she knew exactly what had fallen from his lips. After a moment, he glanced back down at the ground; suddenly focusing on an invisible source near his feet. "I hate it when you cry… Have for a long time now. Don't like seein' you in pain, is all. Never really have to be honest… Please, Buffy… Just tell me what's been botherin' you…"

This time, when his eyes found their way back to meet with hers, they were pleading with her to be honest when she gave him an answer… And she melted. She knew damn well she would never again be capable of lying to him… Had she ever really been able to in the first place? She didn't know, and it didn't matter. Right now, he needed to know and she needed to tell him…

Sighing a bit, she glanced up at him. "I've been having dreams… nightmares, really… that deal with you and me. They started awhile ago… The first night I spent over at your crypt. Since then it's been an all night, every night type of thing. Except for last night, when you were with me, anyway. Only person I told was Clem. And, just a few hours ago, Dawn. It's just kinda scary… Ya know, 'cause of the whole Slayer thing… My dreams aren't always just dreams. They just freak me out a little."

"What happens?" 

His concern was obvious, and it made her smile. He was so sweet sometimes… But she wasn't sure whether or not she was ready to tell him the whole story… It wasn't that she was trying to hide it from him… More that she didn't so much feel up to breaking down into another one of her crying fits in those moments. "Can I tell ya later?" Her eyes were pleading with him not to take it the wrong way, and she prayed he saw it there. She didn't want to hurt him any more than she already had.

His smile was gentle and reassuring. He knew her, and he knew she wasn't going to keep it from him. But she wasn't ready. And he understood completely. If she needed more time, he wasn't going to push her. There weren't many things he was willing to wait patiently for, but Buffy was one of them. Possibly the only one, in fact.

Moving an arm to wrap around her, he pulled her closer to him; his cheek resting against her soft blonde hair. "It can wait."

"You're sure?" she questioned, wrapping herself around him again, a clear _'thank you'_ written in her beautiful hazel eyes. When he nodded, a soft smile crossed her lips, and they finished the Walk to the Magick Box in a comfortable silence.

~*~I know I need to get on with the actual story, but I'm so incredibly stressed out right now, that chances are, if I update at all in the next few weeks, it's just gonna be Spuffiness… My brain isn't functioning correctly at the moment and I'm havin' a bit of trouble remembering exactly what I wanted to do with the _actual_ plot. I remember the Spuffy stuff that's mixed in with it, but the rest is kinda blurred at the moment… Sometime when we've got a bit of vacation I'll worry about those parts…~*~


	17. I Don't Understand

__

Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike's crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer's world is turned upside down once more.   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13  
  
_Spoilers:_ Set post "Grave"   
  
_Author's Notes:_ Well, here it is… The first new chapter in almost a month. School is evil… Over the summer I had a new chapter out every couple of days or so, and now it's taking months… I don't know if this one even makes sense, 'cause I've been writing like a paragraph a day for weeks. I'm not even sure if I remember what this one's about… It's probably gonna take me forever to get the next chapter out 'cause of school… Plus, I've been working on a couple of new Spuffy vids, so I've gotta finish those, too… But I'll do what I can…

  
_Distribution:_ If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback: _You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.   
  
  
~*~*~*~   


Chapter 17:

By the time they entered the Magick Box, it was already quite late, and everyone inside looked as though they were on the verge of passing out. When she saw them, a small giggled passed through her lips and all they could do was glare. 

"Sorry." she apologized, still smiling at the scene before her. "I'm in a good mood."

"Glad somebody is." Willow replied, her eyes narrowed and focused on a seemingly half dead Xander.

"Hey, you got to sleep last night while I was here crackin' the books." he argued, adding an over-exaggerateyawn to the mix for effect. Willow rolled her eyes and Buffy laughed.

"So," Spike broke in, glancing toward Giles and Anya, who both looked to be just as exhausted as Xander. "We find anything else here?"

"A whole lotta nothing." The vengeance demon was obviously frustrated. She'd spent the majority of the day researching, while another good chunk of it had been spent tending to customers… All of whom were completely unfamiliar with magick. That in itself was annoying enough. And after she'd spent a good portion of her night, not to mention the entire day, flipping through old, musty books, she was cranky. As were the rest of them… Aside from the former Wicca, the vampire, and the Slayer, of course.

"I wouldn't say it's been a _complete_ waste of time." Giles countered, as he replaced a few of the books on the shelf. "We didn't find much in the books, but Willow may have found something on the internet. As of yet, we haven't been able to completely decipher the text, but it seems promising."

"What do you mean you haven't been able to completely decipher the text?" Spike questioned, slightly confused.

"It's written in some strange language that loosely resembles Latin… We're still trying to figure out exactly what it is." The former Wicca seemed a bit nervous with her answer.

Spike picked up on her obvious apprehension and instantly felt guilty. He knew as well as everyone else that he was the cause for her discomfort… But there wasn't really all that much he could do about it. He was doing his best not to seem adamant about being in such close quarters with the former witch, but it just didn't seem to be working.

"Aside from that," Giles added, breaking through Spike's thoughts and pulling him back to reality, "it seems as though it's some sort of ancient prophecy, which will most likely make it far more difficult to comprehend."

"Wonderful; another prophecy." Buffy's voice was tinged with exasperated sarcasm as she plopped herself down in the seat beside Willow. "Aren't there ever any good prophecies? It seems like they all tell me I'm supposed to die… And that's never fun."

"It's not gonna happen again, Love." Spike vowed as he slipped behind her; his hands running from her shoulders to her elbows and then back again, comfortingly. When she had said it, she had meant for it to sound as though she were doing nothing more than poking fun… But he knew her better than that. As much as she tried to hide it, he could see through her cool exterior, and straight into her soul. She was terrified. "I won't let it. Never again… I promise you." 

Leaning back against him, she wrapped his hands in hers, locking their fingers and pulling his arms around her. Her eyes were closed; a gentle smile playing on her lips as she allowed herself another moment of pure contentment. Undoubtedly, she was making everyone else in the room more than uncomfortable, and she could almost _hear_ Xander fuming… But she didn't care. Not in the slightest. She was happy with him, and she intended to stay with him… With or without their support. 

When her eyes slowly opened again, Spike's arms still locked tightly around her, she was unsure of what to expect from the others. She was surprised when they didn't seem to be terrible shaken by the display. Willow had a bright smile plastered across her face… It had been a very long time since she'd seen Buffy truly happy. Anya didn't even seem to have taken notice. Even Giles seemed, for the most part, un-phased… Though he did seem just a bit uncomfortable with the affection they were showing for one another. But this time, Buffy could tell it wasn't so much _who _she was with, but rather the simple fact that Giles was witnessing it. Kind of the way he'd been when Xander and Anya had announced their engagement. And then there was Xander… He didn't exactly seem thrilled, but he wasn't violently objecting. That was always a plus.

"So, that's definitely all we found?" Buffy asked hopefully. When Willow nodded she let out a tiny sigh of relief. "Good, 'cause we were really looking' forward to gettin' home… It's kinda late and it's been a long day, ya know?"

"Hold on, _we_? Who exactly is _we_?" Xander wasn't liking the idea… Not in the least.

"Xander, please…"

"No! Buffy, come on, what are you, insane?! The guy tried to rape you, and now you're just gonna take him home and everything's gonna be all fine and dandy?! Have you _completely_ lost your mind?! I could deal with it when you were gettin' all cozy in front of everybody, but behind closed doors is another story!"

"Xander, listen to me." Buffy was trying her best to keep her cool. All she wanted was to be allowed this one last shot at happiness. It had been so long since she'd been in love… Too long. And never like this. Never like it was with Spike. He was quickly becoming her everything. If Xander couldn't deal with that, it was his own problem. She was through with trying to be something she wasn't simply to satisfy the people around her. She was in love with him, and she was ready to admit… To herself anyway. But he would know soon enough… "I'm going home, and Spike is coming with me. For one thing, we haven't seen Clem yet, and it's not really fair to just kick him outta the crypt without any notice. Second, I want him with me. I know that you don't understand why… There's no way you could. Hell, I'm not even sure why. But I know I need him there. Can't you just let it be? You don't have to like it, but I need this, and I'd like your support… If I'm not going to get it, then tell me now, and you can go. I'm through with this Xander. You can't accept it, then get out." 

When the last few words dripped like venom from Buffy's lips, the tension in the air was almost tangible. No one was willing to break the uncomfortable silence that hung over them. It hadn't been expected by any of them… But it hadn't surprised one of them. Well, other than Xander, anyway. His face was flushed with shock and anger; his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. 

"You're willing to choose _that _over us?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only was she taking Spike's side, but she was also kicking him out. When had her feelings for the bleached vampire grow to be that strong? How could she even consider choosing him over her friends… The friends who had been with her; stayed by her side from the very beginning. To the end of the world and back. And then it hit him… So had Spike. He'd always been there. Even that first apocalypse he'd been in Sunnydale for… When Angel had tried to awaken Acathla. Even then he had been there… But that didn't make him good.

"I'm not." Her voice was strong and even when she answered him. "Do you see anyone else here objecting so vehemently? I'm choosing him over _you_. But only if I have to. It's your choice, Xander."

__

There was no reply other than the slamming of the door as he walked out.


	18. Tonight And The Rest Of My Life

__

Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike's crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer's world is turned upside down once more.   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13  
  
_Spoilers:_ Set post "Grave"   
  
_Author's Notes:_ And I've finally finished chapter 18... And here it is… I know it's kinda long, but I had a lot of extra time on my hands this weekend…

  
_Distribution:_ If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback: _You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.   
  


~*~*~*~ 

Chapter 18:

"I don't care anymore." she told him out of the blue, as they neared her house.

He gave her a quizzical look; brow furrowed, eyes questioning. "Care about what, Love?"

"About Xander… You were wondering." she turned to look at him then, smile firmly in place. 

"I didn't say…"

She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "You didn't have to. You were thinking about it. I could feel it…"

Stepping a bit closer to her, he took her hands in his; a slight grin forming on his lips. "Alright, you caught me… I was thinking about it. I just… I don't want you lose anyone important to you… Not because of me…"

"Spike, _you _are important to me. I need you more than I've ever needed _anyone_. And I just don't care anymore. If they're going to make a big deal out of this, you and me, then that's their problem. What they think of us means _nothing_. I'm through hiding. I'm through sneaking around. Right here, right now, you're everything to me… And something inside's telling me that you always will be. Now, whether or not that's true, I can't ignore it. I won't. Not anymore… Not again. I need you, and I'm not letting you go. It just doesn't matter what they think anymore… I need _you_." 

When she let the last few words slip out, they were nothing more than an adoring whisper. His smile had grown a million times over, and his eyes were clouded with unshed tears. Gently, her hand cupped his cheek, as her thumb lightly caressed his skin. In those moments, he looked so vulnerable… So human. And as the thought drifted through her mind, she felt her own eyes stinging with tears while she smiled up at him. But those tears they had not yet allowed to fall were only those of joy. Neither of them could've been happier than they were at that very moment, as they stared into one another's eyes. 

It was perfect… This was the moment she'd been waiting for since the second she'd realized that he was truly back. But should she? Could she? She wanted to… Really, she did. But she just couldn't. Not yet. _'Soon.'_ she told herself. _'Soon.'_

Then, the rain began to fall steadily and she silently thanked the heavens for the sudden distraction. Her mind registered the fact as an easy change of subject, and she jumped at the chance. It wasn't so much that she wanted to break the moment… But she was still afraid. How far would she let this go? How far would he go? How far would she _want_ to go? She wasn't ready for that yet… Was she?

"We should probably be gettin' back inside." she informed him quietly, her mind not really on the subject… They were standing close now. Too close for comfort, in fact. The rain poured down around them; soaking them both from head to toe. And there were only centimeters between them. Her gaze was focused in on his lips, and she knew he had noticed. At that moment, all she wanted was him… To be with him again. To be close to him… The way they once had been. But it was too soon. This time she wanted more than just sex. This time she wanted _him_. All of him. Man, demon… All of him. It wasn't the right time. It was too soon… They couldn't jump into anything so soon. Not yet… But she wanted to so badly.

"Right… Inside…" His voice had taken on a low, husky tone; his words a murmured whisper. She could see the desire written clearly in his eyes. He wanted her just as badly as she wanted him.

And then, his arms were hooked around her waist, pulling her to him; crushing her body to his, as his lips claimed hers in the first real kiss they had shared since he'd been back. Delicately, his mouth moved over hers; tasting, nibbling… 

This time the kiss was slow and leisurely. There was still that hunger of passion hidden beneath it, but this time there was no need to rush. She wasn't going anywhere and neither was he… They had all the time in the world, and they both planned on making the most of it.

When she moaned softly into him, he took full advantage and his tongue dove inside to meet with hers, deepening the kiss, though it remained sweet and sensual rather than turning desperate and hungry. Slowly her arms snaked up around his neck to pull him closer, though not before making a slight exploration of the strong muscles hidden by the black t-shirt he was wearing.

After some time, though, her hazed mind registered that this was definitely bad… Figuratively speaking, anyway. Were they to keep this up, she had no clue how far she would allow them to go… And yet, at the same time, her body screamed that she needed him. That this wasn't wrong. That it could never be wrong… And it couldn't. That much she knew. But at the same time, she knew that there was no need to rush. 

Slowly, she pulled away; resting her forehead against his as she gasped for breath. Her eyes remained closed as she did her best to gather her senses as her thumb went back to drawing slow, soothing patterns on his cheek.

"I'm sorry…" he mumbled quietly into her hair as his fingers caressed the small of her back. "It's just…"

He trailed of, unsure, and she smiled lightly. Leaning up a bit, she brushed her lips across his once more in a sweet, gentle, lingering kiss. "It's perfectly alright…" she murmured lazily, her head dropping to rest on his chest this time; her fingers playing with the soaked material of his shirt. It was at that moment that she remembered the rain. "We really _should_ be getting inside…"

"Right… Of course."

He looked confused; disoriented. It almost made her laugh out loud. "Come on…" she said, clasping his hand tightly in hers and pulling him with her toward the door. 

Once they were inside, she immediately headed for her bedroom and he followed at her prompting. Apparently, while he'd been gone, she'd moved into Joyce's old room… And done a little redecorating. 

After she had disappeared into the bathroom to grab them some towels, he glanced around curiously; taking in all the changes that had been made to the room. The colors were different… All different shades of blue covered the room, from dark midnights to light pastels. The carpet was the darkest of the colors he could see. It was perfectly matched to that of the curtains, while the blinds that covered the windows were a light shade, as were the walls. The bedspread was made of a silky navy satin, the throw pillows that decorated it made of the same satiny material; each one of them a different blue. The furniture was different as well, the bed frame and the dresserboth made of a stunning cherry oak.

"Love what you've done with the place." he commented appreciatively as he continued to absorb his surroundings. Candles littered the dresser, the bedside stand… Every flat area in the room. All blue. Some scented blueberry, some ocean breeze… But all blue. It was calming… Serene. 

"Thanks." she replied as she exited the bathroom and moved to hand him a towel. 

When he saw her there, standing before him, he could do nothing mare than stare… She was so beautiful. A small smile played on her lips as she watched him, her head tilting curiously to the side as she wondered exactly what he was thinking as his gaze washed over her. She had changed into a tight black tank top and a pair of short, light blue boxers. She was truly a vision. 

__

'So beautiful…' he thought to himself as he unconsciously moved closer to her; his hands moving to her hips.

As she stared into his eyes, she knew it was no use… There would be no more fighting it. She wanted him. She needed him. She _loved_ him. And tonight she would tell him. 

As his lips met hers once again, the towel slipped from her hand and her arms moved to lock around his neck; her fingers entwining at the nape and holding him to her as their passion grew. She loved him so much… She had missed him like crazy… But now he was back, and they were together. Forever.

"Buffy…" he murmured when they finally pulled apart, a silent question plaguinghis tone. He needed to know that she was sure about this. That she really wanted it… That she wasn't going to walk away in the morning. 

"I'm sure…" she whispered breathlessly, her eyes never once leaving his. "Make love to me, Spike…"

When he heard the words, his gasp was audible. His eyes filled with tears once more, and for a moment he could do nothing more than stare at her, wide-eyed. Shock, amazement, love… Every emotion known to man filtered through his eyes at that moment, and he wore that same expression he'd worn the first night they'd been together. After she'd kissed him that first time… when he had allowed himself to be tortured at the hands of Glory for nothing more than to keep her family safe. The night she had re-invited him that night they had faced Glory for the last time. And the same look he'd had the night he had seen standing at the top of the stairs… Alive.

"Do you have any idea what you're giving me… Right here; right now… Do you have any idea how much this means to me…?"

"I do…" she whispered, her eyes shining with her own tears. "I'm giving you my heart… My soul. I love you, Spike… I love you."


	19. Love Can Move You

__

Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike's crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer's world is turned upside down once more.   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13  
  
_Spoilers:_ Set post "Grave"   
  
_Author's Notes:_ Dude, I am _so_ frustrated right now… This would've been done a whole lot earlier, but my computer was down for like 3 days… And of course, during that 3 days, I had the inspiration I needed to get this done, but I couldn't…Also, I almost lost the Spuffy video I just made to Darren Hayes' "Lift Me Up" after spending over a month perfecting it. But, luckily, I convinced my dad to take it to a friend to find out whether or not it was repairable before he re-installed the entire system and lost all my files… It's back up now, though, and I'll do my best to get it out as fast as I can. It's just tough, 'cause I'm trying to maintain my 100 average in psychology and still pass me junior year…

  
_Distribution:_ If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback: _You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com.   


~*~*~*~ 

****

Chapter 19:

Slowly, Buffy awoke to the feel of Spike's strong arms wrapped around her; her head resting on his chest as he held her close. His arms were locked tightly around her, as though if he let go for even the slightest moment, it would all become a dream and she would disappear. And she knew that truly was his biggest fear. Not once, even when they were together all those months ago, had he allowed himself to believe that she would ever love him… That she would ever allow him to get this close to her. But she had, and she hoped he knew that without a doubt. He held her heart in his hands… She loved him so much. 

Shifting slightly, she brought her hand up to stroke his hair lovingly. For a few moments, she studied his face; memorizing every detail. He truly was beautiful. His sharp features so well-defined. In sleep, he looked so innocent… So pure. She loved watching him sleep. She always had. When she was lying beside him, he was always so peaceful. As though Heaven was just within reach. It was when she moved from his embrace that he would get restless. He'd always been that way. When she was there, he was fine, but when she crawled out of bed, he would toss and turn. Before, that had always been part of her reason for leaving immediately after they'd been together, rather than waiting for sleep to take over… She had hated leaving in the middle of the night and having to see him that way… So terribly discontent without her there beside him. It broke her heart…

"Mornin', Love…" he murmured lazily as he awoke to the feel of her fingers playing in his hair. Eyes still closed, he pulled her closer to him and she snuggled against him, her arms wrapping around his neck; legs lacing with his.

"Morning? More like noon, honey." she teased lightly.

"Guess we should probably be gettin' up then, huh?"

"What? No! I didn't mean it _that_ way." she argued, completely unwilling to drag herself away from their warm, cozy bed. 

"And what're we gonna say if the Nibblet walks in and sees us like this?" Spike countered mockingly, his eyebrows raised in question. 

"Uh… 'Get out' seems appropriate."

"Right then… Just thought we should clear that up…"

She giggled lightly before brushing her lips against his in a quick, chaste kiss. "Knew you'd see things my way." she mumbled as she kissed him once more. This time, though, he deepened it; their passion growing with each passing moment.

"Buffy!" When the door swung open and Dawn bolted into the room, both Buffy and Spike groaned and pulled apart before looking questioningly at the younger Summers. 

"Don't you knock?" Buffy asked, giving her sister a glare. 

"Oh, get over it." Dawn rolled her eyes. "Don't think the visual's gonna scar me too much… Not any more than what I heard last night anyway."

"What you heard? What do you mean, what you heard?" 

"Buffy, honestly, what do you think I am, deaf? God, Angel probably heard you guys in LA…"

"To the point…" Buffy prompted, staring expectantly at the younger girl.

"Well, I just thought I'd remind you that I'm having friends over today… Ya know, just in case you guys wanted to keep it down or something…"

"Hold on, friends? Don't you have school today?"

"It's a half day… Remember? That's why you don't have to work…" Dawn reminded her.

"I thought I didn't have to work 'cause I've got this week off. You know I'm only there every other week." 

"Well, okay, that too… But we do have a half day, and you told me I could have some people over. It's for that group project we've gotta do for English."

"Right… We'll be down in a few." Buffy assured her, unenthusiastically. 

"Nah, it's alright." Dawn smiled brightly. "You guys take your time… We can take care of ourselves for awhile. I promise we won't destroy anything." With that, Dawn was out the door and down the stairs, not even waiting for a reply.

"Why do I not believe that?" she questioned, turning to Spike for an answer. 

He chuckled before pulling her back into his arms and kissing her deeply. "Love you…"

She smiled lightly. "Love you, too, baby." she murmured against his lips before succumbing to his charms without another thought…

~*~*~*~

"What the hell is she thinking!" Xander exclaimed as he paced the floor.

For the past hour, Willow had been sitting in her apartment watching Xander pace back and forth, while she listened to him vent… And she was getting more than a little tired of it. She loved Xander with all of her heart. Really, she did. But it was staring to grate on her last nerve. Was he blind, or just incredibly stupid? Where exactly had he been for the past three months or so? Without Spike, Buffy just hadn't been herself. She been depressed, distracted, and just generally unhappy. Anyone with half a brain could see that she was completely, head-over-heels in love with the man… But apparently, Xander didn't have that much. He'd been living in the land of denial for far too long, and it was time someone set him straight…

"Xander, she knows what she's doing… She's in love with him." Willow argued. 

"No, Will, she's not… She can't be…"

"And why not?" she argued, her voice raising slightly. "Because you don't want her to be? Xander, I know you're just trying to look out for her, but she doesn't need you telling her how to live her life. She's quite capable of making her own decisions… And for her, Spike's a good one. Maybe you don't think so, but she does… He makes her happy, Xander. I don't think I've _ever_ seen her incredibly in love. Just the look in her eyes said it all. You may not like it but that's the way it is… It's not fair for you to make her choose between one of her best friends and the love of her life. She deserves better from you…"

"He tried to _rape_ her, Willow!!! How the _hell _can he be good for her?!" He was shouting now, and he knew it… Really, he hadn't meant to yell… It had just come out that way.

"Okay, yes, he did." she replied slowly. "I know that, and I understand what you're saying… But at the same time, after it happened, he was crushed. Completely. He knew how wrong he was, and so he went and got his soul back. Do you have any idea what kind of hell he must've gone through to do that? And it was all for Buffy… Because he loves her that much. He would die for her in a second. Give his own life to keep her safe."

"That's not enough! What he did should never be forgiven! He tried to _rape_ her!!!" 

"And I tried to kill her!" Willow replied angrily, her eyes swimming with tears at the memory.

Xander stopped short, and turned to look at her; not understanding the connection. "What does that have to do with anything?" This time his question was quiet; curious… He didn't understand, but somehow he got the feeling she was right.

"I tried to kill her." her voice was quiet now; filled with raw sadness. "And Dawn. And you…" she sighed as a single tear escaped the corner of her eye. "And I tried to destroy the entire goddamn world. After that, didn't you welcome me back with open arms? Ready to help. No questions asked. You welcomed _me_ back, and what I did was _so _much worse than what Spike did. And yet, you welcomed me back. Why doesn't he deserve that? He loves her, Xander… He loves her, and she loves him. You don't have to like it… But if you don't wanna lose her, you have to accept it. Just accept it."


	20. Can We Talk?

__

Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike's crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer's world is turned upside down once more.   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13  
  
_Spoilers:_ Set post "Grave" 

Author's Notes: Just thought I'd let ya know before I confuse you… In my world, Connor never trapped Angel at the bottom of the ocean, and he and Cordy are together. (I'm a huge Angel/Cordy shipper… Not to mention Wes/Fred, but that really has no relevance here whatsoever…)

__

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback: _You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com. 

~*~*~*~

****

Chapter 20:

"Finally!" Buffy exclaimed as she slammed the door shut behind the last of Dawn's friends and leaned back against it with mock exhaustion. It was nearly eight o'clock at night, and they'd all been there since they'd gotten out of school… Which, in Buffy's opinion was _far_ too early. Half day or not.

"Oh, come _on_." Dawn complained with a dramatic roll of her eyes, from her place on the steps. "It wasn't all _that_ bad. We got the project done."

"Yeah… While every teenager in the room ogledmy boyfriend."

"Get used to it. He's a hottie." Dawn shrugged; grinning at the scowl her sister shot her way. "Where'd he go anyway?"

"Shower…" Buffy gestured toward the stairs. "I think he was just tryin' to get outta the room for more than a cigarette break. I'm pretty sure they were drivin' him crazy, too."

"Alright, I guess they _were_ a little annoying."

Buffy laughed. "A little?"

"Oh, shut up…" Dawn rolled her eyes again. "You patrollin' tonight?"

"Nah…" Buffy shook her head. It had been weeks since she'd seen a real threat tread through Sunnydale. Really, at the moment, they had far more pressing matters… And she wanted to spend some quality time with Spike before they had to go running back to the Magick Box. Then, there was also the matter of patching things up with Xander. Earlier that day, Willow had called and informed her of Xander's ranting, and the heated conversation they'd had. Afterwards, according to Willow, they'd had a quiet, calm talk, and she had gotten the distinct feeling she was getting through to him… Whether he was willing to admit it or not. "I think I'm gonna go over to see Xander… Talk to him a little. Maybe we can start to work things out…" 

"Alright… Ya gonna take Spike with ya?" Dawn asked curiously.

"I don't really think that's the best idea. Xander's mad enough as it is. Can you tell him when he gets outta the shower?"

"Tell me what?" Spike questioned as he wandered down the stairs; shirtless and freshly showered.

"I'm gonna go talk to Xander… I'll be back soon." Buffy explained, before giving him a quick kiss goodbye. "Love you."  


"Love you, too, Pet." Spike smiled down at her as he wrapped her in his arms and brought his lips to hers for one final kiss before allowing her to slip from his grasp.

Reluctantly, Buffy grabbed her jacket and purse, before leaving the house to find Xander… She just hoped it wouldn't take long to get him to listen to her. She had better things to do than argue with him all night…

~*~*~*~

For a moment, Buffy just stood outside Xander's door; unsure of herself. Would he even _want_ to talk to her? At this point, it was highly unlikely… Maybe she should just wait awhile. Give him time to cool down. But, when she was honest with herself, she knew he was a valuable member of the team in their current crisis, and she really needed him on her side… So she knocked.

After a moment, Xander pulled open the door; fully expecting to see her there on the other side. Still, though, he wasn't exactly sure whether or not he was ready to talk to her. She was one of his closest friends, and he loved her, but he also felt that she was putting them all in danger by choosing Spike. Soul or no soul, Xander didn't trust him… And, most probably would never be able to. But at the same time, everything Willow had said to him earlier had made perfect sense. And, as much as he had tried to ignore it, Buffy really had looked truly happy when they had been together at the Magick Box the night before. It had been a long time since he's seen Buffy that happy. In fact, he wasn't even sure he ever had. 

"Can I come in?" Buffy asked quietly, her eyes cast to the ground. She really wasn't sure how she was supposed to deal with this. Without saying a word, Xander moved to the side, waving her in. When she smiled a small thanks to him, she glanced up at him, and all she could see written across his features was a cold, unfeeling stare. That hurt more than she wanted to admit. "Look… Xander…" she started, once he had shut the door behind them. "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to come off that way."

"Yeah, well, ya did." His voice was full of anger.

She let out a small, bitter laugh and turned to look him straight in the eye. "You didn't help matters any. I was just trying…"

"What the hell was I supposed to do then, Buffy?!" he cut in. "This is _Spike_, damnit! He's no good for you! He's no good for any of us!"

"But he _is_ good for me!" She was shouting right back, and there were tears in her eyes; her words choked slightly with those tears. "He _is_! I get why you don't understand that, and I get why you don't like him, but this isn't about _you_, Xander! This time it's about _me_. Me and Spike. I _need_ him. How can you not understand that?" 

"Because he's Spike!"

"And exactly how conventional have your past relationships been?! So I'm in love with Spike… So he's a vampire… Who the hell cares?! I'm the Slayer!"

"Oh, and that's supposed to make me believe that the whole thing's okay?! How does _that_ situation help to prove _your_ argument?!" 

"Don't you get it?" Her voice still held anger, but she had quieted slightly to the point that she wasn't screaming. When he shook his head, she sighed; her hands moving to massage her temples for a moment. Then, after taking a deep breath, she continued, "He's my perfect match... In every way. And that's all _because_ he's a vampire."

"What?" Even Xander was calm now, thought he was more confused than ever; which was clearly reflected in his tone.

She nodded slightly as she found herself a seat on the couch. "I know this is hard to comprehend… That a vampire could be the perfect match for a Slayer, but it's true. For example, strength is a big one… I don't have to pretend with him. I don't have to hold back because I'm afraid of hurting him. I know he can take whatever I've got. And, he's a great sparring partner. If I feel the need to beat on him a little, he's not gonna object… To be completely honest with you, I'm pretty sure he likes it…" At Xander's disgusted look, she quickly changed the subject. "But that's kinda off topic… Look, all I'm saying is that I love him, and I trust him. You don't have to like him. You don't have to like the idea of us… All I'm asking is that you accept it. Just trust me… Please."

After a moment of deep thought, Xander relented and nodded. "Okay…"

~*~*~*~

****

::Los Angeles::

"Angel, we need to talk." 

"It's gonna have to wait, Cordy…" he told her as he flipped through files and papers in the office. "We've gotta a lot of work here… Got a case. Some kind of fungus demon. I'm on my way out now." He flipped the folder closed and moved to pick up his a few of the weapons he had gathered earlier. 

"Send Gunn." Cordelia ordered firmly. They had a problem… A big problem. And he definitely needed to hear this. 

"Can't… He's out…" Angel grabbed his coat as he moved toward her; intent on leaving as soon as possible. After kissing her quickly, he brushed past her and was almost out the door by the time her words made it to him. 

"It's Buffy… She's in trouble."

Sighing, Angel turned back to her; eyes questioning. "How do you know?"

"Vision." she answered simply. "And you're not gonna like what you hear…"

~*~*~*~


	21. From Heaven

__

Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike's crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer's world is turned upside down once more.   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13  
  
_Spoilers:_ Set post "Grave" 

Author's Notes: Okay, this one's even longer than chapter 18... Sorry about that… There was a lot I wanted to put into this chapter… Oh, and by the way, thanks for the reviews… I've been in such a hurry to get the chapters done and out that I keep forgetting to thank you guys… But I really do appreciate it… Thanks…

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback: _You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com. 

~*~*~*~

****

Chapter 21:

"What's happening?" Angel asked, fear obvious in his eyes, though he was trying his best to hide it.

"I have to go to Sunnydale… Like, _now_. They're gonna need my help." Cordy explained.

"Just let me get a few things, and…"

"No." Her voice was strong; unwavering. She wished he could go, too, because honestly, she wasn't sure she would be able to help much on her own. But he couldn't go. There was no telling what he would do to Spike, were he to see the two of them together. Good or not, Angel had a temper on him… Especially when it came to his childe. And Buffy couldn't deal with that right now…

"What?" There was obvious confusion in his eyes… Why wouldn't she want him with her? "Cordy, if you're worried about me seeing Buffy again, you know you don't have to be… We're over. I'm with you now. You know that."

"No. Angel, it's not that… This isn't about who _you're_ with… More who _Buffy's_ with…"

"What do you mean?" His voice was wary. Somehow, he got the feeling he already knew who she was talking about. It had to be Spike. Immediately, anger was boiling inside him, but he held it at bay. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was just paranoid. "Who's she with?"

"In the vision… She was with Spike. Well, kind of. See, all I saw was blood and fire… And Buffy. With two children. Their children. He wasn't there… I think he was gone. But I knew the babies were _theirs_, ya know? I just kinda felt it…" Angel nodded slightly; his eyes reflecting no emotion, and she continued, "But we've gotta stop it. If we don't, a lot of innocent people are gonna die. What I saw… There was hardly anything left… That's why I'm going." 

"And why can't I go with you? I'm not gonna kill Spike… I might beat the shit outta him, but I'm not gonna kill him." When Cordy shot him a look, he almost laughed. "Come on, Cordy. I can help." he pleaded.

"No, you can't." she told him gently, resting a hand on his arm. "Buffy's not gonna be able to deal with this thing _and_ having you back. It'd hurt her more than this thing ever could on it's own."

"Cordy…"

She cut him off again, shaking her head; her eyes all seriousness. "She _can't_ deal with that much stress right now."

"Why not? She's dealt with it before." 

"Before she wasn't pregnant."

~*~*~*~

****

::Sunnydale::

"Spike?" Dawn called, searching for the vampire. She really wanted to talk to him before Buffy got home. So far, though, she hadn't really gotten the chance… Or rather, she hadn't gotten up the courage until that particular moment. What she needed to talk to him about, she wasn't sure Buffy would want him knowing… But she thought it was important.

It was about Buffy's dream. She felt Spike needed to know. Buffy had been so torn apart… So terrified. Never once had she seen her sister so afraid. And it had scared her. Maybe if Spike knew, he could help. It was worth a try, wasn't it? But still, she wasn't sure she should be telling him her sister's secrets… Even if they were back together now. But then again, maybe Buffy had already told him, and she wouldn't need to… 

"Spike?" she called again, as she made her way up the stairs. She assumed he would be in Buffy's bedroom… _Their _bedroom. She smiled at the thought. Her sister and Spike were finally back together… And this time, they weren't trying to hide it.

"In here, Nibblet." Spike called from the bedroom. 

Dawn smiled again as she entered the room. "Hey." she greeted cheerily, plopping herself down onto the bed beside him. For a moment, she studied him curiously. He was lying there in the bed, eyes closed; arms resting behind his head… And he looked truly happy. It was the first time she thought she'd ever seen him that way… Completely content. "Whatchya thinkin' about?"

"Your sister." He said simply; his eyes remaining closed as he cracked a slight grin.

"Figures." she smiled back, making herself comfortable next to him. "You really love her don't you?"

"More than anything…" This time, his eyes slid open and he glanced her way. Those eyes reflected all the love and devotion he so obviously held for her sister and it made her smile. "But that's not what you came here to talk about, is it?"

"Not really…" she confessed, looking his way after releasing a long sigh. "I just don't know if I'm supposed to tell you what I wanna tell you."

"What is it?" he asked, his curiousness obvious. "You know you can tell me anything…"

After a moment's hesitation, she glanced over at him again, her face all seriousness. "It's about Buffy… Last night, before you guys left for the Magick Box, she told me some stuff… About these dreams she's been having. Spike, they really scared her… Like, really, _really_ scared her…"

"I know, Nibblet…"

"She told you?" Dawn asked, a bit surprised. She had almost thought that Buffy would've kept it from him… But apparently not…

"Not exactly…" he began, and at her curious look, he continued. "We haven't talked about it yet… She said she wanted to wait a little while… But she promised she would, and I wasn't about to push."

"Do you wanna know?"

"I think maybe we should keep this one between me and Buffy… She'll tell me when she's ready…"

~*~*~*~

"You really love him, don't you?" Xander asked in defeat as he handed Buffy a glass of water and sat down beside her. 

Buffy smiled. Since she'd gotten to his apartment, Xander had really been warming to the idea of the two of them. It wasn't like he was all for the idea, as many of the others had been, but he was getting over his hatred for Spike. "Yeah…" she replied, looking up at him with a small smile. "I really, really do."

"Okay, I'm not trying to argue, so don't hurt me… But why? I mean, what's so special about Spike? He's tried to kill you more times than we can count, he's a master vampire who's spent over a century killing and maiming, he's hated you for years…"

She cut him off there; waving a hand to stop his ranting. "And he's loved me more than anyone I've ever known… Love conquers all. Xander, I know it's hard to understand, but he really is perfect for me. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but he is…"

"When exactly did you know you were in love with him?" Xander asked curiously. 

Buffy laughed lightly. That was a difficult question to answer… She knew exactly when she'd realized it. Problem was, she knew that hadn't been the moment it had happened. "I'm not exactly sure…" she admitted. "I mean, I know I realized it for the first time after he was gone. I had been talking to Clem and it just kinda came out… But that wasn't when I fell in love with him. Part of me thinks it was that day we found that camera in my front yard. I went to see him that night, and I accused him. I believe his exact words were _'I don't hurt you'_. And I could see all the love he had for me in his eyes, and part of me knew I loved him right then and there. Then there's another part of me that believes it was the first time he made love to me. Because he did… He made love to me… No matter what I wanted it to be. And then there's part of me that thinks it was during the whole Glory incident. There were plenty of times that year that could've made me fall for him. But most of me thinks it was way back when… Junior year of high school… When he came to me to call that truce…"

"You're kidding?" He couldn't say he wasn't surprised. He had been expecting it to have been sometime during the whole Glory ordeal. Or the year before when Spike had been the one to stand by her side no matter what happened. But it had been all those years ago… That was certainly unexpected.

"I know what ya mean. Funny, isn't it?"

"Just a little…" he agreed, a smile spreading across his face. "But I'm happy for you… Even if it is Spike… Good luck, Buffy. I hope this one turns out the way you want it to, 'cause you deserve to be happy."

"Thank you, Xander… That means a lot to me." With her words, she reached out and hugged him tightly. It really did mean a lot to her… She knew he wasn't really happy about the situation, but he was coming around. 

"Anytime." he hugged he back slightly before pulling away and glancing at the clock. "Looks like you better be gettin' home." he warned her. "It's getting late"

"Yeah." she agreed, smiling as she stood and grabbed her jacket before making her way to the door. "See ya…"

"Bye." Xander called after her as she let the door shut behind her. 

_'Well, that went well…'_ she thought to herself as she made her way out of the building and slipped her jacket on. 

~*~*~*~

On her way home, Buffy had decided to take a quick sweep of the closest cemetery. She figured it couldn't hurt to do a quick patrol before she got home. Besides, this particular cemetery was the one which held Tara's grave. 

For quite some time she'd been meaning to visit, but she hadn't really thought about it for awhile… She'd been so lost over the summer without Spike that her visits had been cut to once a week. When it had first happened, she'd been there every day. Just to say how much they all missed her… And hope that maybe, in whatever heavenly dimension Tara had made it to, she could hear her. 

In the year before Tara had died, Buffy had become quite close with her. Tara had been the one person she confided in about her relationship with Spike… And she had made sure that Buffy knew it was okay to love him. Really, Buffy wasn't sure that she would be with him now, had it not been for Tara. 

So now she stood before the cold, marble stone; smiling softly, though her eyes held a certain degree of sadness over the loss of one of her best friends. "Just thought I'd stop by…" Buffy began, her eyes watering slightly, but her small smile still in place, as she reached down and ran her fingers over the top of the stone. "It's been awhile… I guess I just needed to say thanks. I've got this strange felling that you had something to with this… Spike and I. We really are happy together. I love him more than you could ever know… So… Thank you, Tara. I hope you…" 

"You're welcome…" 

The soft voice came out of nowhere, and Buffy immediately spun around searching for the source… And then, there she was, a figure standing directly behind her… Almost glowing… Not so much literally, but Buffy could see it. The happiness… The aura of peacefulness about her.

After a moment's hesitation, Buffy breathed out one word… 

"Tara?"


	22. Beautiful Surprise

__

Disclaimer: It's not mine… Well, the story is, but the characters aren't…   
  
_Summary:_ A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike's crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer's world is turned upside down once more.   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13  
  
_Spoilers:_ Set post "Grave" 

Author's Notes: Sorry it took so incredibly long for me to get this chapter out… School is evil… It's probably not all that great, 'cause I've been writing it on and off for months. My psych class has been keeping me kinda busy. I kept re-reading it, and it just didn't sound right, but I gave up on trying to fix it, 'cause it just wasn't working and I haven't updated since November 17th… So anyway, here it is… And thanks for the reviews…

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback: _You can send it to [brock3005@aol.com][1] or [otownfan1520@yahoo.com][2]. 

~*~*~*~

****

Chapter 22:

"Tara?" Buffy questioned again when she received no response from the angelic figure of her lost friend. Could it really be Tara? Was she simply dreaming? Hallucinating? Delusional? 

"It's me." 

The voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. For a moment, Buffy wasn't sure she'd heard it at all. But she had. She could feel it. 

"Uh… Hi?" What was she supposed to say? Buffy was confused… More than a little confused, in fact.

Tara smiled lightly at that. It was obvious that she had shocked the Slayer. Not that she blamed Buffy for being a bit disturbed by the whole thing… Slayer or not, Tara was pretty sure none of Buffy's dead friends had ever come back to chat. Unless, of course, they were in vampire form… That wasn't exactly uncommon. But as for this… This was different.

"Hi, Buffy." Once again, Tara smiled sweetly at Buffy, whose face was still awestruck… 

After a moment, though, Buffy pushed away all the wonder she was feeling and tried to think things over for a minute. Chances were, if Tara was here in some sort of mystical form, there was something important that she needed to convey to the Slayer. As much as Buffy knew she needed to hear it, she wasn't sure she wanted to… With this new evil in town, and the dreams she had been having, there was no telling what a visit from the Great Beyond might tell her. And, considering past experiences, it probably wasn't going to be a good message… 

At that moment, all she wanted to do was go home, curl up in Spike's arms and sleep for the rest of her natural life… But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so she gave in; sighing lightly as she dropped down onto a nearby headstone.

"This isn't gonna be good, is it?" Buffy asked, running a hand through her hair. Suddenly she was feeling incredibly exhausted. 

"Actually," Tara began, smiling lightly, "it _is_ good news."

"Really?" Buffy brightened at the words, her voice hopeful.

"Yes… But it's also a warning."

"Oh…" Buffy's face fell a bit; her eyes losing their hopeful shimmer. "So it _is_ bad…"

Tara shook her head reassuringly. "Not necessarily. I guess it depends on how you look at it…" There was a bit of a pause on Tara's end for a moment. "Buffy, you have to stop patrolling…"

"What?" Obvious confusion overtook Buffy's features as she stared unbelievingly at Tara. "What do you mean? Why?"

"Buffy, there are certain aspects of your life that you are unable to control… Your emotions; who you fall in love with… But at the same time, there are those that you _can_ control, or at least try to alter. And this is one of those. It's going to be difficult. There's no way for you to avoid that. You're the Slayer. It's in your blood. But in order to avoid disaster in this particular case… Buffy, you're gonna have to stop."

"I don't understand. Tara, what are you talking about? Why would I have to stop slaying?" Buffy questioned, confused. "I _can't_ stop slaying. There's some big bad evil in town… Or on it's way to town, anyway… How can I just stop?"

"Buffy, you have two choices here. You can either stop slaying for the time being… Or you'll lose your children…"

~*~*~*~

Cordelia was on her way to Sunnydale. 

It had taken her quite awhile, but eventually she had been able to convince Angel that she needed to go on her own. He'd definitely put up a great argument, though. By the time he'd finished, she'd almost told him it would all work out if he came along. Problem was, she knew that wasn't true. Buffy, Spike, and the Scoobies were in danger; along with the rest of the world. The only person who could ever stop this was Buffy, and Angel's being there would have done nothing more than provide distraction and create confusion… and more than likely, anger. So eventually she'd told him there was no way in hell she was gonna let him in the car with her, and she'd taken off… In broad daylight. 

He was probably incredibly pissed off about the whole situation, but really, she couldn't care less… She would probably regret it when she got home, but there wasn't all too much she could do about it. There was no way he would come after her, she knew that much. At least she was pretty sure of it. After all the arguing they'd done, _something_ had to have gotten through. He wouldn't put Buffy in danger, and Cordy knew it… Only question was; would she be able to help?

~*~*~*~

"What?" 

There was pure shock written across Buffy's features… Had she just heard what she thought she'd heard? There was no way… How could she be pregnant? She only been with Spike. And he was a vampire. Not to mention the fact that last night had been the first time in months… Was it really possible to to tell that early? She really wasn't sure what to think… Was this a good thing? Sure, she would love to have Spike's children… Eventually. But at the moment, she wasn't exactly being paid all that well. Plus, she would more than likely lose her job by the time this whole ordeal was over, considering she was pretty sure she wouldn't have the chance to go back to work for awhile. Could they take care of two children? And she didn't even want to consider the implications the dreams had brought about. 

Tara smiled. "Surprised?"

"Uh… Yeah…" Buffy laughed lightly, running her hands through her hair. She nodded, her eyes tearing as a bright smile bloomed on her face; the news finally sinking in and happiness taking over. "Yeah. Wow… I mean… Wow."

Tara watched intently as the teary eyed young woman paced back and forth a bit in front of her, so obviously too happy to stand still… She wanted to go home and tell Spike; Tara could see it… And it made her smile. It was good to see Buffy so happy again. The year before had been terrible for the young Slayer. But now she was finally happy again; all the events of the previous year had been washed from her mind. She was starting a new life with the man she loved. She was finally happy again. 

"Incredible, isn't it?" Tara asked softly; the smile never leaving her face.

"Oh God… Yes. It's just… Wow. I'm having a baby. No… Twins. I'm having twins. I'm having Spike's twins." Her smile grew larger as she said the words. She loved the way it sounded. "Oh God… Tara, I think this is the happiest moment of my life. Is it even _possible_ to be this happy?" She was babbling. She knew it. She really didn't care.

After a moment, she stopped to calm herself a bit. She was bordering on giddy… If she made it to that point, there would be no turning back. She figured it was about time to bring down the enthusiasm just a bit. There were still a few questions she needed answered…

"How did you know?" Okay, so that wasn't one of them… But what was she gonna do? It had just slipped out… "I mean, isn't it too early? Last night was the first time we've been together since last year, before… everything. How do you know…?"

"You're right." Tara agreed, smiling lightly. "It is too early to tell… For you. It's different for me. I'm not of this world anymore, Buffy. I can see things that you can't… The future, in some cases. And this is one of them. I also know you're scared…" she added softly, watching as Buffy's eyes fell a bit. The young woman was terrified. It was obvious.

"You know about the dreams then?" Buffy questioned, almost hopefully. Maybe, if Tara knew, she could help her.

"I do." Tara replied, her tone reassuring. "Right now, though, you can't worry about that. Just stop patrolling and worry about keeping these children safe. Everything's going to work out just fine."

"But Tara, in the dreams… Spike doesn't make it. If that's really going to happen, I need to know. I don't think I can do this without him."

"And what if I told you he wouldn't make it through this time?" she asked gently. "What would you do?"

"I don't know…" Buffy replied softly, running her fingers through her hair once more. "But I don't think I remember how to live without him…"

"You won't have to Buffy." Tara reassured her. "I have to go now… But I need you to do one thing for…"

"Of course… Anything." Buffy nodded, smiling lightly. 

"Never give up on the one you love. True love always finds a way…"

   [1]: mailto:brock3005@aol.com
   [2]: mailto:otownfan1520@yahoo.com



	23. A Miracle's Coming

__

Disclaimer: I own nothing…  
  
_Summary:_ A broken Slayer befriends Clem as she starts spending more and more time at Spike's crypt after the bleach blonde flees to Africa. Then Spike returns with dire news and the Slayer's world is turned upside down once more.   
  
_Rating:_ PG-13  
  
_Spoilers:_ Set post "Grave" 

Author's Notes: Sorry it took so incredibly long for me to get this chapter out… It's been a busy summer, and with all the other fics I'm writing, it's been tough… But here it is. I know it's short, but I didn't really want to bring this one down with the badness that's in store for the rest of the story… I will do my best to get the next one out as soon as possible, however I don't know exactly when that'll be, since I'm starting my senior year in three days. My schedule's pretty packed… But I'll do what I can. Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed…

Distribution: If ya want it, take it, just give me credit… And, if ya could, let me know where it's going.   
  
_Feedback: _You can send it to brock3005@aol.com or otownfan1520@yahoo.com. 

~*~*~*~

"Spike…"

He looked up and there she was; her smile so bright it lit the room. The happiness in her eyes almost caught him off guard. He couldn't remember ever seeing her look so beautiful… So stunning. There was an air about her… It was as though she were glowing; the pure joy radiating from the very center of her being.

A hand rested lightly on her stomach as she stared back at him, and for some strange reason, that small gesture seemed significant. There was something different about her. Something had changed since she had gone off patrolling… She had been happy then, yes, but now… Now it seemed so different.

"Buffy?" Her name was nothing more than a curious whisper on his lips; his eyes sparkling with his love for her.

She glided toward him, her feet never seeming to touch the floor with her grace and elegance. As she sat down next to him on the bed, she reached out to take his hand in hers and squeezed gently. "I love you…" she murmured softly; her voice choked with emotion as she kissed his lips lightly. 

The sweet gesture left him feeling as though he were missing something; the joyful tears that filled her eyes confirming it. "Buffy?" he questioned softly, pushing a loose strand of golden hair out of her pretty hazel eyes. "What is it, luv?"

Her smile brightened a notch as she guided his hand to rest on her abdomen; her eyes locking with his as a single tear escaped to run down her cheek. She was barely able to breathe, she was so happy. The excitement coursing through her was stronger than anything she had ever felt before. The miracle they had been granted more incredible than any gift she had ever been given.

But she was scared…

Would she lose him to this? Were the dreams prophetic? Would he even want these children? It wasn't like the subject had ever come up before… It wasn't supposed to be possible. She knew he would be a wonderful father. Knew he would never leave… But would he really want this?

As soon as she looked into his eyes, however, she knew there were no grounds for her doubts. He knew. She could see it in his eyes. And she could see the happiness that was held back by simple fear. He was afraid that he was wrong. That he had misconceivedthe message in her eyes. 

He was afraid to hope…

Still, his features were awestruck as he raised his eyes to lock with hers; his fingers gently caressing the soft skin of her belly. "Buffy?"

That soft, vulnerable whisper had her nodding in affirmation; the tears she had been holding back finally spilling. She reached out, her thumb carefully tracing along his scarred eyebrow. For a moment, her eyes followed the same path, before they moved down to meet with his once more as she trailed her fingers down to rest gently against his cheek.

Her smile grew once again; her eyes never once leaving his. "Are you ready to be a daddy?"

"Buffy…"

She let out a small giggle at that. "Has your vocabulary been reduced to nothing but my name, or what? Come on, you've gotta give me something more than that…"

"We're having a baby?" The question was soft; almost tentative, as his gaze traveled down to rest on her stomach, where his fingers were still playing over her skin.

"No." she told him gently. He looked up at her; stunned and afraid, his eyes suddenly falling. Her smile was soft and reassuring as she gently guided him to meet her eyes. "We're having twins."

That sparkle of love and devotion returned to his eyes as he gazed at her; the reality of what she had just told him sinking in. Without losing any time, he pulled her into his arms; hugging her to him tightly as he rained loving kisses over her face, his own tears of joy threatening to fall.

"You're not just messin' with me, are ya?" he asked with mock suspicion; his face buried in the crookof her neck.

She giggled lightly as his lips ticked the sensitive skin of her throat; her arms locked around him tightly. At that moment she felt like the luckiest women on earth. She knew this type of thing occurred everyday, but for a Slayer and a vampire it truly was a miracle. 

"Not just messin'…" she assured him, running her fingers through his hair as he lifted his head to look at her. "You're gonna be a daddy."

"Girls?" he questioned curiously. He wasn't sure exactly why he'd said it… The question had simply jumped into his mind and he'd had to ask.

She looked at him with curious wonderment. "How'd you know?"

"Call it a feelin'…" he told her before kissing her lips softly. "I think this is the happiest moment of my life."

"Mine too." she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder. "You're not disappointed that they're both girls?"

"Are you kiddin' me?" He let out a small chuckle at the question; the smile he wore reaching his sparkling eyes. "I'm pretty sure I'm the happiest man in the entire bloody universe. The woman I love is havin' my babies and they're gonna be two beautiful little girls… Trust me, the world doesn't need a mini version of me. We're much better off with two of you… Besides, now I get to be the overprotective daddy."

"And don't you already play that role when it comes to Dawnie?" her voice was filled with humor and he smiled; giving her a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah, but there's plenty to go around, luv."

She laughed and he growled playfully as he tackled her back onto their bed; kissing her thoroughly. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she held him to her. 

"I love you, Buffy." he swore to her, pressing another soft kiss to her lips. "And I love these little girls, more than I have ever loved anything in my entire existence. I never thought it was possible to love this much. God, I can't even imagine what it's gonna be like after they're born. It'll be so perfect, Buffy… We'll be a family. You, me, Dawnie, and these two little girls… Our girls. I love you so much…"

He was resting on his elbows; hovering above her. When she saw a tear escape the corner of his eye, she reached up to wipe it away; her fingers then moving to siftthrough his hair. She was barely able to hold onto her own tears as she saw the sheer joy that was written so obviously across his strong features. "I love you, too, baby… And we already are a family…"

Again, he leaned down to kiss her, and at that moment, she was lost to him…


End file.
